Some combined comments in reply to various posts:
(daaang.. this got way too long. splitting off my post to karen, to a separate post \:D )


Originally Posted By: Crazy Eddie

You can't really have sex if you don't personally feel horny. You can go through the motions, but it's pretty easy for the other person to notice that.


Eddie, what you are describing, is a stereotypical male attitude. I am not saying this to say "you're a male chauvenist pig" or anything. after all, i'm a guy ;\) and i've actually had that attitude myself. Back when I was 20 years old, that is.
What I'm saying, is that there are other attitudes out there. even amoungst guys.

Quote:

So you can love your wife all you want and you can decide to take care of her all you want, but you can't actually take care of her unless you are horny.

I would hazard a guess that for the average woman, your statement is exactly backwards. To my view, you best "take care of a woman", by showing her that you care.

Poll for the women: (and especially Karen!)
If you had to choose between one or the other:
Would you rather have your man get sexually aroused by your body, and have sex with you, while not giving a damn whether he was taking care of you?
Or would you rather have your man care about, and take care of, your sexual needs, even if he was totally not aroused(to the point of no erection whatsoever)

Sure, it's an ego boost, for either a man or a woman, to be told, "Your bod is so hot, it totally turns me on!!" But most women (and some men, even) feel that the emotional level is far more important.
The alternative, is that sex is basically a pacifier to your own insecurities and inadequacies about a poor self body-image.
You "have to have the other person horney for you", because otherwise, your self-body-image is too hurt.

Speaking as a non-average man.. i myself would rather have the "I love you and want to take care of you", rather than the "I'm horney lets have sex" reaction, if I have to choose between them.
I dont need to be told, "Wow, you have the body of brad pitt!"
Because, quite frankly, I know that I dont, and I'm ok with that.


to fearless:
Yes, I understand that backing off was a 180. It now has been tried. and it has failed. he doesnt care that he has been shown as a non-initiator. he already knows that. it's not a problem from his perspective. His perspective seems to be
"if I'm horney, i'll initiate. If I'm not horney, there's nothing I can do about that so dont bother me".

(and to lillie who was posting while I was posting ;\) )
i think i understand Karen's position in this. I think that it was mostly his lack of enthusiasm and begrudging attitude when giving oral, that was the problem for her.
"enthusiasm" is not the same thing as "he is horney".

Last edited by Dom R; 10/08/07 04:51 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle