opinions on "small separation"? Read and respond?

[stubborn]

hmmmmm...did I make my point by posting that 3 times? Computer error, or operator error...

Spouse called to ask if she could take D shopping when she gets off work. I don't think we'll be home as D and I are going with friends to a festival. Then spouse wanted to know if I wanted to go to class tonight and she would keep D...uh, no I think I'll go tomorrow night (when YOU go and can't keep D) I don't want to be mean or anything but if she's trying to see what it's like NOT to live with us she needs to get a real dose...I am also wondering what it would feel like if she said "I've decided to leave". My mind says that to feel those feelings now might make them not so overwhelming if they do have to come up in reality. That sounds crazy even as I write it. Anybody else ever feel that way? After so much work and perserverance and being just plain STUBBORN I hate the thought that this might get shredded anyway. A friend told me yesterday that nothing I've done will ever be in vain because I will always be able to say I tried everything. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the love Jules. I've been thinking about calling you but, believe it or not I'm a little shy. And maybe I'm afraid I'll cry and fall apart because you know what this is like. And now I'm having my morning tears...another great day begins.

Go Rockybacks!

[stubborn]

interesting development. I sent this to spouse via account she uses for OW:


Surprise. I never write you here so I thought Iʼd see what it feels like.



We are off very soon. I have no idea when we'll be back. I know you want to see D today but I don't know how that will work out.

I'm sure this is wrenching for you. I think this is a good idea for both of us. It gives me time to think too and I'll be able to make my decisions as well. Thank you for coming up with the idea.

Within an hour she called me and said "just wanted to thank you for your email. If you haven't made your decisions I think you'll be please with what I have to say Thursday night. I think you'll be happy" Thanked her and said we were leaving soon...got this on email:
Well, how did it feel? I wish you had written to me in the usual mailbox. This makes me feel not safe.

Thanks for updating me on D. I am sure she was proud. She is so creative and always thinking. Thinking outside the box

I have a lot that I want to say to you at the end of the week. I know we will do quite a bit of talking

I think everything is going to be alright.

Now not to be obtuse but shall I interpret this the way I most want to? We shall see. The day I never thought would come.

[whatisis]

If she's screwing with your head, Stub then show her the door! I think there is only one way to interpret it, the way you are. I'll cross my fingers and pray for you! Does this mean Chinese dinner is off? OK, how about the cottage?

[stubborn]

Chinese is still on! But let's reschedule as I gave up and started cooking for tonight. Spouse called and wants to come by later. Bought a gift for D...ok,

And the cottage dates were???...I have my passport and am ready to travel north. How about you? I expect reciprocity in any relationship. Beautiful WARM weather here today. Hot actually. But it has been working it's way down! You'll love it within the week. Practice with me though: Go D'Backs!!! (which shows you just how ego centric the US is, why call it the "world" series?)

I can't interpret that ANY other way either but jeeze...I never expected to be cheated on either...burn me once! etc...

[Ophelia]

I wonder what the note means. I have a feeling its good. If your S was going to give you awful news, would they really put it in a note first? I don't know, but don't think so.

My H officially left home by sending me an email from interstate, telling me that when his plane landed, he was going to his parents' place instead of coming home to me. Never underestimate the potential for guttlessness.

Kids should not have to go through this. And neither should we.

Truer words have never been typed. When all this is said and done, however it ends up, I hope you will instill in your D that your S's behaviour is not acceptable. I'm not sure how to do that without slandering your S, I just know that I'd hate for your D to grow up and do a similar thing one day because she believed it to be acceptable behaviour.

I am also wondering what it would feel like if she said "I've decided to leave". My mind says that to feel those feelings now might make them not so overwhelming if they do have to come up in reality. That sounds crazy even as I write it. Anybody else ever feel that way?

I never thought my H would actually leave. When we'd started sleeping in separate rooms, I did try to imagine what it would feel like if he did actually leave, but it hurt too damn much, and so I convinced myself that it wouldn't ever happen anyway, so I shouldn't hurt myself by even thinking it.

Then, after he'd left, I'd wonder if he was seeing someone else yet. I envisaged him with another woman, kind of trying to prepare myself for the worst. Then I got that email where he ever so casually told me he was seeing someone new, and my first reaction was to throw up, then spent the next 2 days curled up in the fetal position on the sofa, clutching my fave wedding photo.

You can't really prepare yourself for it, because as painful as you imagine it could be, the reality will always be worse.

After so much work and perserverance and being just plain STUBBORN I hate the thought that this might get shredded anyway. A friend told me yesterday that nothing I've done will ever be in vain because I will always be able to say I tried everything.

Seems like small consolation, doesn't it? Am I proud of the fact that I've remained standing for my M for this past year, even though H has made it blatantly obvious time and again that he's completely done? Yes, I'm proud in the sense that I believe I'm doing the right thing, and can still look at myself in the mirror. I do wonder what other people think of me though. Do they just see me as pathetic for my stance, instead of strong?

At the end of the day, I suppose I don't have to live with any of those other people though, so as long as I've done what I believe to be right, it wasn't a waste of time.

That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

I hope your S isn't just frakking with you with that last email. That would be incredibly cruel, because there really is only one way to interpret it. I'll keep all my fingers and toes crossed that you get the outcome you're hoping for.

[stubborn]

ok, ponder with me here folks. IF you thought you were about to MAYBE see the end of your suffering and your relationship piecing started, what are the things you would want to "negotiate" for? What things need to be clearly defined so as not to explode?

talk to me.

[inspiredjulie]

Wow, stubborn...

First of all... you can call anytime. Don't be shy. I promise I'll listen and you can cry or not.

And I'm glad to see you throw your S a little curveball by using the other email. She is starting to see that you might not just always be around for her to fall back on. Good.

And as far as the piecing thing goes... I hope you end up there and soon. I won't give you advice b/c I am soooo far left of ever wanting to piece and I would demand the moon on a silver platter which might not necessarily be conducive to saving a R. So I'll let the experts weigh in here. I'm rooting for you! And the Rockies!!!

[stubborn]

I was with ya until we got to that Rockies part dear!

Picked up D from school and as we were walking by who drives up of course but C'tard, aka OW. I was holding Ds hand so D used my hand to wave to OW...what a treat. I just smirked at OW, who then grimaced back. Lovely

[stubborn]

btw, we were trying to get tix to Friday nights game. C'mon down, $75 per seat...We went to two world series game the year we won. It was amazing. I know where you can stay, get in the car, bring the girls!

[stubborn]

fun morning here. D corrected the way I fed the cats, telling me all about how spouse does it and how I was doing it wrong. During which I wanted to scream: "did you notice SHE ISN"T HERE????!!!" But I survived. After being forced to wave at OW yesterday everything else pales by comparison.

Spouse has found out that her counselor is out of town so she's freaked out a bit. I'm sure she was planning to meet with counselor before having "the big talk" with me at the end of the week.