To all who wonder if we "know" that my H is taking care of his needs alone. Not really. He has just made joking references to jacking off and references porn frequently especially when joking with my DS15 about what takes him so long in the bathroom or why the laptop is in his bedroom. H has said in the past very clearly that all men mb and view porn and he sees nothing wrong with it. He laughs loudly at any tv shows that make joking references to men and these habits. He will occasionally make references to women and toys or cucumbers or whatever. He seems woefully ignorant of how different this activity is between men and women. When it was brought up in therapy he said nothing and allowed the counselor to wax philosophical about fantasy being normal etc... without EVER asking him when? how often? what kind? etc.... I think the silence spoke volumes myself.
Dom - Lou is certainly correct that in the past the more I did, or pushed or flirted or tried or mentioned or whatever the situation got worse and worse, not just the sex situation but the marital situation too.
My H does love me and he does recognize how his schedule and mine relate to some of this. However, every time I have tried to pin him down on this and get some kind of committment like - How about planning some sex for Friday night or two night/week or whatever he starts that bs about being "spontaneous" or not wanting to feel "pressured into sex". The thing that I get really resentful about is that his LD determines everything in the M. His LD determines the sex, whether I complain about his attitude on any given day, my appearance, etc.... Everything gets centered around not what will "get" me sex but what will keep things from derailing further.
The funny thing is.... we are going on vacation on Sunday for a week. I'll bet $$ that my H is banking on sex while we are gone, has planned for it and is even looking forward to it. How do I know? This weekend which was too full of friends, family, activities etc.... for me to even know my own name much less to have done anything about this issue - H decides to get a little more kissy, little azz pat etc... Further, his birthday is this week and he may even be thinking that a little nookie would be nice that day but he won't be upset if it doesn't happen (for whatever nominal, inconsequential reason). How do you "care" but not like him? How is it that you want but don't want at the same time? I don't get it.
For anyone who is dating. Don't mistake appetite for other things in life - food, luxury, excitement or whatever for appetite for sex. When we were dating I realize that I always kind of associated people who were actively engaged in life, who had active appetites for other things with having an active sexual appetite. Not necessarily so.
RJ,
Sounds like a great show. We don't have HBO (crazy, I know).
