When I got back with my H there was a striong feeling, to say "Now that I have got you back I am going to do the same to you - see how you like it". I still get that feeling sometimes but the times I get it are fewer and further between. We have both opened up emotionally and showed each other our vulnerable sides.
As you saw from me the other day - I am not always easy to live with. I am not the sort to run to another person, but my head can be my own worst enemy. I have so much to be lucky for but sometimes I just cannot see that.
It does take 'two to tango'.
For a while I did want to just win him back and ruin his R with OW and then just tun round and tell him to FCUK off but my love for him overtook those feelings and his remorse was real and genuine. I had a part to play in the marriage breakdown so I also had a part to play in bringing it back together. It is never the same again but it can be better. I didn't use to beleive that but now I am 60% there in believing that and that %age will increase with time. Hang in there Andy, you are a great guy with loads to offer. This other guy sounds like a bum. You have a long list of ladies on the DBusting site queuing up for you!!!!!!!!! That should do your PMA some good. And there's nothing like a goog looking guy who loves his daughter!!!!!!
I am going back to bed now as I feel so rough but I will be thinking about you. I so want your wife to wake up and see what she is missing out on. Don't detatch too much. Sometimes I think there is a danger that our S's think we no longer give a damn when we do. It's a fine line to walk but man she would be so stupid to lose you.
(((((HUGS)))))))) to you and tour fantastic D. Saffie by the way, go and look on my myspace. There is a girl, (one of my friends whio I have met through the boards), on there who is fantastic - Dianne. I could just imagine you with her. She is a vet. Clever and beautiful. I correspond with her by email frequently. She is great. Request her as a friend and get to know her. It will certainly get your W's curiosity going anyway and she is one bute gal - truly. Very spunky and with a good sense of humour.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks heaps. It's good to read your post and understand that my way of thinking is not unusual (in regards to winning her back then telling her it's too late).
I have always been fiercy loyal and too honest for my own good, with family and work. I think the loyalty to my family overrides my thought process, and I tend to overlook many things that normally I would have walked away from and never accepted.
I have gone dark, and I have found it easier than detaching and still trying to be friendly to her. I find the less contact I have with her the better I feel. I know this is wrong, but I am having trouble (the honesty bit) pretending to be fine with everything, so I just avoid spending too much time around her other than if it relates to DD or finances. No idle chit chat about work or anything.
I suppose it is still early days (MLC), and no conflict is a good sign. We have not argued in ages. But still find it difficult being in the same room.
I hope you feel better real soon and thanks for your insight, it really does help. I think I might go to bed to as I have had a huge day with work, then visiting relatives. DD is sleeping in my room again, so I am going to enjoy snuggling up to her (eventhough she tends to "thrash" her "jimmy" arms and legs all night. I am going to have to talk to W and we will have to try to "wean" her out of sleeping with us, and get her back into her own room again.
Saffie and Andy, I can understand what you guys were saying about not being able to know for sure if you want this M, because basically our thoughts/feelings aren't important right now. My H has expressed his worry that he will finally be ready to work on things and that I will be the one to say "Its over." I never really answered him because I couldn't figure out a way to say that might be true, and professing my love would sound pathetic.
"I suppose I will never know until I get the opportunity of reconciling, then it will be clearer for me."
SO TRUE.
And you guys have OP that are considered lower than your average OP, but unfortunately my OP, although messed up emotionally, is much thinner and prettier than I am. Funny how, when H first met her years ago, he commented that she wasn't that pretty at all (I had told him she was). I guess its the emotional attachment that sparked the more physical attraction. H is very attractive and could have done better as well.
I, too, get disgusted at times that H opened himself up and was completely intimate with her. Right after the bomb, I couldn't look at his fingers, thinking where they had been, I could hug him thinking she had done that. Heck, I couldn't even drink from his soda. That has faded a bit, but those thoughts creep in from time to time. I suppose its the raw betrayal.
Have a good day with your D, andy. You seem to be getting along well knowing what your foolish W is doing.
Thanks, I had a pretty good sleep last night and am feeling much better this morning. Off to the gym (DD will be having fun at the play zone area of the gym), then having lunch together and I promised her I would take her to Timezone (games arcade).
Then back home to clean the house for W, so when she gets home she won't be able to complain about anything.
You mentioned how difficult it was to touch your husband after his PA. I think if things do improve in my sitch, the difficult part will be the first kiss, not only because I have not kissed her in 10 months (or hugged) but because of OM, it repulses me.
Yes it is a major stumbling block for me. But who knows, I might not get a chance to "test" whether I can overlook everything that has happened and rebuild. I keep thinking about what to do if I do get another chance, but I may never get one if she is so happy with him. And I don't think he will end it too soon, as he is "batting above his average" in landing a glamour like my W. He would be an idiot to break up with her.
Well, W just got home from her interstate love inn with OM.
Brought back a gift for DD. Also was very pleasant towards me. She even accepted a coffee from me. I did not ask her anything about her trip, just told her about DD's week, and how she had a great time.
I think my physical change has gotten to her, as she cannot stop breaking eye contact when we speak, and constantly ogles, which makes my PMA increase. I also noticed that she has packed on a few kilo's, possibly the good living and constant going out.
I made her coffee, dropped it off upstairs to her, and then left her there with DD.
This is going to be a long battle, but I am prepared.
Also, as I am going away for work again in a few days, I asked her if my family could look after DD (as W works as well and being school holidays), and she said yes. I find this a change too, as early on in our sitch she would be difficult when it came to DD, and babysitting.
It will also be the first time she has seen my sister in 10 months, when she goes to pick her up on Saturday. My W abandoned my whole family back in January, after they did everything for her, and loved her more than their own. Thats the sad part of my sitch, I know I played my part, but my family are innocent. I think the guilt got to W and she could no longer look my family in the eye.
Hey Andy, you may want to show her your new fall that happened at the beach when your swim trunks almost fell down, but maybe this time not be as quick to keep them up. That should get her endorphins revvved up.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
