They are eating their integrity with a side of emptiness in a fast food parking lot.
Its like telling a crack addict not to take their first hit--too late now, and they just have to take it one day at a time.
I do see this as addiction, both for H, and for myself. I am addicted/dependent on my R with him, he is on his R with CW. I know that I have to break this dependency, and am working as hard as I can to do that. I have tried everything, been willing to do anything, and work every day. I am the addict who will get well.
H, he hasn't worked on anything. He has rationalized, lied to himself and others, covered up, and let his addiction take over his life. And there is nothing we can do, short of tell them that we love them and are concerned, but it is their life to live, their choices.
Too bad they don't have treatment centers for cheaters. But, their choices are out of our hands. All we can do is our own work on ourselves.
There is a program on A&E (?) called Intervention. It shows the power of being gripped by self-destructive choices. Not all of the participants make it out of the fog.
It's these images which are helping me to start to give up trying to control the uncontrollable.
