All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

is everybody ok?

I feel a lot better today. I think to much happened last week which put me into panic mode.

Had a busy weekend with family staying over and I had to work as well. H decided to take the afternoon off work yesterday. I usually have something cooking in the slo cooker, but didn't have time to prepare, so i was really pleased when H cooked a late lunch for us.

Went to the gym twice over the weekend, which has helped me to calm down & feel positive again.

I wrote a letter to H yesterday, telling him it wasn't working for me living as friends and what my needs were. I was in doubt whether to give it to him and in the end ripped it up. I have started to distance again and I must learn to put my expectations to zero. I don't know if H backed off b/c we had such a great w/e the previous w/e.

I have started to read DR again. I want to look at goals for the R. I'm finding it hard to read the positives so far as i'm generally quite negative (working on this), but I was feeling quite better about myself. I guess I panicked last week with H's withdrawal behavour and my negative thoughts, downward spiral I guess and I know I can't rely on H for my own happiness.

Hope you all have a good day.

XD