If Dick is filling S's head with his own feelings about his Mother, when he was a teen, I can tell you that he felt very controlled, picked on, and felt he couldn't do anything right or able to please anyone, or was good enough.
S had changed in the past few weeks, but I assumed it was do to the fact his father was coming in. Both kids would become so anxious, as you probably recall during the years of my posting, they would pick fights, and often argue with me.
I'm not the only one that found S has changed, he even stopped hanging with his usual friends, and choose to hang with a new kid that came to town from California. I've received reports from his friends about S also.... which have come to me, piece by piece, and I've spent the weekend trying to put them together to make some sense. It seems S hasn't only become angry with me, but has become hurtful to others too. He started lying, defiant, pushing at limits set, i.e., curfews, and doing his chores, like taking the trash out.
I had a chance yesterday to spend time in S's room. I'm one of those parents who believes the kid's room is their own space, one which they have complete control over, which I respect, and only enter when invited.... which is usually anytime. Since S is away for now, I decided to tidy up, put on fresh sheets and blankets and gather and wash the things he left behind.
He left most of his clothes, but took his playstation and ipod. I offered him the suitcases, but he chose trash bags to move his "stuff" in. I sat in his room a while, looked around, and realized he hasn't been in a good state for a while. S did play Dick and I against each other, but I chose to try and stop it. Of course Dick was happy to play along with S. As I'm also sure Dick has pressured him, told him that if he starts this process, there would be no turning back, after a night S had said he wanted out.
I think I might have felt his saddness, for his room was anything but organized, cluttered, which I'm sure that is close to the way he felt. I know I saw him sleeping in a tight fetal position a few nights, and knew he was going through something, but through with a bit of time, a bit of talking and understanding, we'd make it through.
I wish my attorney had argued to give S until the end of the semester to work out his true feelings. We just moved and it was an emotional move, for we lost the only place we knew as home, for up until we moved to the farm 9 years ago, we hadn't planted any roots and moved nearly every year and a half.
S was having his best year ever playing football. All his years of hard work was paying off, he was getting play time during varsity games and scoring nearly every time he was on the field. I know he was proud of what he was doing. I also know the principal was riding his butt, had given him a detention for leaving his book bag by his locker in the hall. It wouldn't fit in his locker, and often many of the students leave stuff right outside their locker without the threat of detention, but since the principal chooses a few children to pick on, usually those without a high income, it seemed she may have had S on her radar.
Without his friends, without football and the exercise, activity, commoradory, and attention, he receives with it, no one out there, except for Dick, I've been worried S will sink even deeper. 15/16 are very hard ages for boys... it's when trouble can start, and the wrong roads can be chosen.
It maybe that Dick suffered from depression during these years, as he is now, and why he has chosen S to be his confidant. Of course S has always wanted his Father's attention and approval, as I'm sure Dick did also at this age. I know Dick's three sisters have had bouts of depression, as I'm almost sure my former Father in law also has been since his wife's passing, yet the family has claimed he has Alzheimer's. The symptoms are the same, so it would be hard to tell, especially by someone like me who has no medical degree.
Time will tell, as I pray for S's early return.
As for the information I've gathered.... by all means yes, there is a time and a place for it, as I am sitting with it until the time arrives.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
