he called to say goodnight to the kids and I was wretched to him. my head is pounding and he dared ask if I was okay. I went off a bit...told him I was fine, that I just have to get used to the fact that his version of my life with him was very different than what I experienced. that I will be fine and get over it, but that I'll have to just accept the fact that what I thought I had was a delusion. he asked why I said that, and I quoted him chapter and verse. he tried to say he didn't say certain things, but trust me, he did. I'm not even expanding on them or exaggerating for effect. he said he did have some good times, and I asked point blank what they were...he couldn't come up with anything.
whatever. doesn't matter. as my therapist says, just because he can't remember them/see what they were, doesn't mean they didn't happen. trust me, I know the truth. I now see he had a lot of things bottled up, a lot of things that I had no idea about, but I also know I've changed in a lot of ways, and not one of those ways made me deserve to be treated the way he has treated me.
the one good thing about the state of MA is that we have to show all $ for the last 3 years (I think its 3 years). so no matter what he tries to do, it will show up, and I will get it. the stock money would have shown up, etc.
I'm still just so freaking mad. and hurt. and rejected all over again.
he says his whole goal right now is to make it so I can stay in the house with the kids and so I won't have to get a job. yep, that sounds nice, except I wish his goal was figuring out how to love me again. but as he said himself, that ship has sailed. he doesn't love me anymore. f him.
sorry, bitter/angry/hurt morgan tonight. He actually had the balls to try to bring up the holidays,btw, about how his family has said that he did too much/jumped up too much. is he kidding me? his family joined us for every single holiday except for one since we were married, and I welcomed them with opened arms and a freaking display martha stewart would be proud of. and he has the balls to say he jumped up to help too much? um, as I recall, he did some, but mostly sat around drinking wine. oh yeah, he made the coffee. and occasionally helped clear.
I want to beat him to a bloody pulp.
is that wrong?
mk, going to try to remember the words of wisdom to play nice and end up better off in the end. but omg, that is going to be hard. the stuff he said tonight...the lack of acknowledgement of anything I have done for this family makes me ill.
the question now is, do I have the balls to follow thru and call the lawyer and have him served this week?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
