You really need to pull away and quit expecting things out of her. If you don't detach and get a life of your own, and more strength and independence, you won't be the strong, attractive, self-assured guy anyone would want to come home to. This type of behavior and dependence is not attractive nor healthy.
I think it's awesome that you are her friend and you are supportive when she needs that. But you need to back out of her life when she doesn't need you, QUIT PURSUING and sometimes be BUSY!!! Go out, have fun with the guys, flirt a little... or just go to the darn bookstore and let her think you are out with guy friends having some fun.
And don't give her specifics of what you are doing. If she asks you can say, "I was out with friends." If she asks about OW, say you only talk with them and "don't plan to date anyone seriously. I would never do that unless I were divorced..." and then leave it at that.
Don't do things specifically to try and make her jealous... you need to do these things for you. Stop trying to analize her, or working towards convincing her to come back. You be nice, and a friend because you are a great guy, you have a history with her, and you truly are her friend (without expecting anything back!). If she's too blind to see you are the best thing in her life that's HER LOSS!!!
Quit agonizing. Make plans, go out, DO things!!! Don't wait for her calls. Don't wait for cuddles or professions of love. GET A LIFE!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
