The role of the OP in MLC

[theotherhalf]

I can't even imagine the suffering that these siblings endured...which is in part where a lot of my compassion comes from...I don't relieve him of responsibility in his actions but I can certainly understand how messed up he was inside and have a heart big enough to know that we all make mistakes...some bigger then others...and some because of things that have warped our own thinking...I know he has suffered...and still is at times...but you would never know by looking at him...he is the life of the party and a very likable guy...funny too...it breaks my heart to know what really happened to him as a child...I knew some...but not what I do now...and there is probably more that I don't know...but I don't pry...it is his HELL and I don't want to fan those flames...

My H I believe was sexually abused as a child. He comes from a family of 8. Mother and Father had alcohol issues and physical abusive to each other. The oldest boy is only half brother to rest. It has been told by the siblings that this brother sexually abused all siblings but 2 other than my H. My H has never admitted to anything happening to him. But he has real issues that he will not talk about.

There have been a couple times over the years that H kind of lost his marbles in a drunken rage. In that rage he has blamed OB for ruining his life, his families life, etc... He has stated how much he hates OB, how it's not fair that he goes on in life without any remorse or payment for what he has done.

The last rage was in the beginning of this crisis. He poured out to his younger brother one night on the phone (Drunk). Once again it was, "OB has ruined my life, my kids life, his kids lives, my wife's life, " etc. That he needs to pay, that he needs to die.

I have believed for a long long time that my H deep anger comes from the abuse. I also have believed that this doesn't just come from guilt that he didn't stop it, or from seeing things happen, I believe that the events also happened to him.

I don't know if he'll ever admit to any of it. I do know that if he don't, it will eat at him the rest of his days.