TOH...I can really feel you pain...I have been there...so many times I found "evidence"...I was bad at keeping my mouth shut...I was no better at being unavailable because I saw so little of him that when he did show up I wanted to be with him...
I didn't have to deal with cake-eating though as H would have nothing to do with my physically...no matter if I wanted it or not...
I think maybe to protect yourself you should refrain from being intimate...but still share his company...if he asks why just tell him you want to keep things uncomplicated until he knows what he is doing...but don't go into anything else...
I believed as you did that my H would never ever ever have an affair...that he would never lie to me about something so critical to a R/M...but like you I found out the truth..
The point here is you don't know what they are talking about...I do know that I called the OW...I didn't know at the time that they had been intimate...I just knew she lived in another state so I felt "safe"...how foolish I was...H told me later that my calling her made her feel guilty for what was happening...it didn't totally stop the A in it's tracks but it dampened it and eventually she moved on...I don't know what to say here because only you know your H...
Quote:
The single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much empathy the unfaithful partner shows for the pain they have caused when the betrayed spouse gets emotional and starts "acting crazy."
My H showed NO EMPATHY what so ever...he was cold, unfeeling...uncomforting...the pain stabbed me deep and yes...I did act so crazy at times that he wondered if I would hurt him or myself...but still remained stone cold to me...yet...we have survived!...he has been home now for a year and a half and while we have had ups and downs we have continually moved forward...
TOH...please take care of yourself...I know that numb pain...you just don't know which way is up or down...so be careful doing things like cutting, driving, anything where an accident could be damaging...I had a car accident and so have others during this stressful time...actually I had two...I also exploded hard boiled eggs all over the kitchen...so many things that I had never done before...so be careful!!!!
