Ouch! The truth...Now what?

[mkultra]

I am so sorry for the confirmation. It is not a normal relationship. None of these affairs are normal but they are all kind of the same in a way. I think many of us could have written your confirmation. I also never saw my H use his cell phone like that. No one I know moves in with someone new in a week? Who does that except someone in an affair that is mired in secrecy and mistrust?

Dr. Ellen says to tell H that you love him but that you cannot share him. She says the spouse can help the WS to get over their addiction, but I do not get that impression from DR. I think DR suggests letting the affair die on its own so the WS does not relapse.

You are dealing with someone who may have an addiction to the feeling H gets from the affair, not even the actual person, just that reflection of how they feel in the affair. That is certainly the case with my H!

SMART MARRIAGES
Infidelity -
Expert Advice from Shirley Glass, PhD from her keynote speech
at the Smart Marriages conference.

- Affairs are less about love and more about boundaries. Affairs can happen in good marriages.

- The major attraction in an affair is NOT the love partner but the positive mirroring of the self --
"the way I look when I see myself in the other person's eyes."

- The conventional wisdom is that the person having an affair isn't "getting enough" at home.
The truth is, the person isn't giving enough.

- Most affair relationships are far more equitable than the marriages they violate.

- One of the greatest threats to marriage today is the child-centered family.

- When women have affairs, it is much more often a result of a long-term marital dissatisfaction --
and the marriages are much harder to repair.

- People often try to justify an affair by rewriting the marital history. They'll say, "I never really loved you."

- Most people think that talking about the affair with the spouse will only create more upset,
but that is actually the way to rebuild intimacy.

- The single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much
empathy the unfaithful partner shows for the pain they have caused when the betrayed
spouse gets emotional and starts "acting crazy."