My Journey Begins...New here

[thba]

Hey all, I am new to the site and have enjoyed reading all the stories of the trials and tribulations of those in similar situations.

I won't go through all the details of my situation, but here is a brief recap...

St. Patty's day 06' my wife decides that she can't take it anymore after a huge blowup between us. The next couple months following that, she proceeds to really get into the single life and gives me all the typical responses about not being IN LOVE and such. End of April 06' she moves into an apartment. I was devestated by this and did all the wrong things. Once again typical. My family urged me to file for divorce so I could move on....I did and it was completely final and over by Oct 06'. I received full custody of children and all assests. She did not fight me at all and in fact didn't even come to court on the hearing date.

The months after it was final was filled with frustration at raising the kids without much help and eventually me finding myself and making great strides in becomming happy with myself. Meanwhile, the ex continued to spin her wheels and becomming unhappy with her new found life.

Throughout this time, I continued to pray that my family would be restored someday and a couple weeks ago I was at the Cathedral in NYC and lit a votive candle to help guide my life in a positive direction. Well, a week ago today, the ex called stating that she had talked to all of her family and a couple of her friends and has decided that she wants to put the family back together!!!

I have hoped and prayed for this to happen since the beginning and now that it has, I AM SCARED TO DEATH!!!

She came over a couple times during the past week and then this weekend we did a family activity Friday night and then her and I went to a concert last night. We have had a nice time together but man is it awkward at times. Last night after the concert I kissed her as I wanted to know what it would be like now. It was better than before!!! It was an actual kiss!!!

Right now, my biggest fear is that I want this worse than she does and will put more effort into it than her and thus setting myself up for heartache again. It is so hard having patience as I want it all now. But, I know that I must be patient and let her come at her pace and also not rush back in just to have someone with me. She has already talked about the moving in part and has dropped little tid bits here and there about "the future" so I am optimistic that this could be real.

So, I am coming to you guys mainly in support but also to receive any and all advice you wish to give.