I'm trying, GD, believe me, I'm trying. I'm doing well in some parts, and weaker in others. The "be happy" part is a little hard right now in the empty spaces of the day (retail shifts and waking up in the middle of the night).
She's so emphatic that it's over and going straight-on to splitting out stuff up and getting out (w/o even a separation period! left on 9/14 and is done!), and yet still the kind, sweet woman I know in her ability to empathize. It's tough to deal with.
But on Mondays and Fridays (days when I have alot of free time) I HAVE been cooking nice food for myself. That feels sorta good.
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Listen, she feels like the R/M is over, so why can't you empathize with her needs to direct her financial responsibilities elsewhere?
I guess in part it's because I gave up a car that was paid off, and now I have to pay on another car, again, by myself. One that will be a lesser car than my Taurus was. Since she's already paid off her Cavalier, she doesn't have to worry about acquiring another car. I do. So honestly, I'm a bit upset because I have to downgrade my car to something I can afford now. Increased rent, utilities, and car payment suck.
So I'm being a bit selfish, there, yeah. But I don't have a problem with selling the Prius, either. I can't afford it on my own. It's her absolute insistance on how fast it must be sold that gets to me. :\
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It would show her much more understanding if you can give her what she needs/wants right now (within reason, of course),
I'm endeavouring to do that. But I'm also trying to not appear to her like I'm just going to let her roll over me with this and that I'm 100% OK with the divorce. I felt I took a risk when I told her that I wasn't going to assist her with filing fees (she didnt' ask, but had a tone to her voice like she was going to) because "quite frankly, I don't want this [divorce]".
I'm being kind to her, obviously, and not a jerk. But I still feel like I'm in total freefall.
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Before making any decisions regarding your M and dealing with W, ask yourself this question:
Is what I'm about to do going to bring me closer to my goals, or push me farther away?
I've asked that of myself, and come up with the right answer for the situation at hand a couple times.
Like my desire right now, to say the next time we talk something along the lines of "If I had known you were going to call it quits in when the first really big problem in our marriage came up and looked too scary to deal with, I'd have never let you put this on my finger" and then take my ring off and walk away, because I'm feeling a bit hurt and angry at the moment.
That would be MONUMENTALLY stupid, for about a billion reasons. But being human, thoughts of hurting back when we are hurt do come to our minds. But something like that would put a nail in the coffin of our friendship as well as marriage.
So, yeah, I do make sure to ask myself that question when I interact with her.
I'm hard at work, here. And I think there have been a couple small positives (grains of sand, in terms of their "size", but enough grains of sand make up a beach - or, at least, a sand-castle).
