hey there, quietly followign your sitch, I'm in "regaining strenght" mode, pretty soon I'll be in full swing, I had one of those episodes of unloading my emotions and was feeling pretty drained. I'm here, drawing a new path, a new plan. Mostly, just to stick to my original offer to H: that we'd begin as friends and that I'd have 0 expectations from him, which has proven to be very very hard, as women's language is affection, not getting any has gotten to me. But now I remember, that the more I push the more reluctant my H will be, you can't make someone feel affection for you, it has to be born from them without anyone proding them.
I already feel lighter.
I know it drives you crazy that your H has his walls up so high and won't let you in. Work hard on lowering your expectations, in an ideal world a H would be loving and sweet and attentive to his W, but right now things aren't normal, so you can't expect that yet. Maybe he's still questioning himself and second guessing himself. COG posted this video, I've been watching, had a good cry...it helped me get up and start anew. In the video, a person battles with 5 temptations, since i don't battle those exact same things I've renamed them, the 1rst is the lack of love and affection from my H and the hurt it causes me, the 2nd is the financial crisis that attempt to drag me down, the 3rd is any thought related with op/A and vengance thoughts towards her, the 4th is my low self steem and poor self body image, and the 5th and worst one, is the lies and cruel deceptions my H enveloped me in. WHen one of those attach me I picture Jesus pulling me out of those demons, and fighting them for me. He's fighting this fight, and no matter the outcome He'll be with me until the ned and will make me a better stronger person.
