Why do these things happen X - A new beginning

[nephartiti]

I no longer have time between discussions to think of the correct way to respond, now I have to respond immediately without rocking the boat.

I had the longest visit since the separation yesterday and got a good taste of this. It was very hard.

However, I think we are still entitled to say that we need to think about what our partner is saying. If they ask a question or need a response, we can say, "I know this is important to you. I am thankful that you are being open with me. I would like to think about what you are saying. Can we talk about this again at ______ time?" Not always easy in a heated moment, I know. Also, SOTS suggested the water bottle technique. Carry a bottle of water and every time a response is required, take a swig to buy some time. I have also heard of pre-discussion agreements where ground rules are set up. Basically, either person is allowed to say "uncle" when they begin to feel cornered and need a breather. Let's face it. We are more likely to say things we don't mean and damage our R's when we feel too pressured.

By the way, I failed to use any of the above techniques yesterday. I was in a tailspin because the separation rules changed on me and I couldn't just hang up the phone. Hind sight's always 20/20 right?