see, it doesn't matter how much I lose, or how little I have weighed in my life, my rear is the one constant. lol.
mk, I LOVE that you are telling those men to go home to their wives. showing them a different way...that is awesome. you are doing good, mk, you really are.
I agree, btw. I like going out once in a while, bt a good meal at home and a video while the kids are sleeping...well, that is heaven. what beats snuggling on the couch with a fire in the fireplace?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Your H is going to continue being an idiot for now. It's up to you whether you let his behavior ruin your day. I'm not saying you have to kick him out of your life, just don't let his actions affect your sanity. Let him go, but don't lock him out. Does that make sense?
That is some of the best advice I have heard, that now being in hindsight for my situation. Half of what I thought, heard, or construed in my own head caused half my problems. What she told me was lies while separated, what others told me I have since found out was only what they thought, not what the knew, and my own mind was great at making up what she was probably doing and with who. It was not till I stopped worrying and trying to out think what my wife was doing or saying that things calmed down.
Worry about yourself and kids, let what happens happen, when he does "Wake up" you then have to decide your next step, till then you can't worry about him or his actions.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
You rock, MK. I think you have found a silver lining at the bar! I wonder how many marriages you might help save just by making a simple statement or two. I think people want to believe there is hope, but we are so programmed to drop it and move on. It is the downfall of our society! My SIL is actually PO'd that I still want my marriage! She actually threatened to not come to famiy functions if he was there!
It's time to start a revolution!
MK, what should we do for a meet up?
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Wow I like how you put that. I think I need to do the same. Let my husband go but not lock him out. I have such fear if I dont call or I dont pursue he will not come back but the bottom line is pursuing him is not working so maybe I will try your advice.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
I can only speak for my situation, but pursuing in NO way helped one bit, not even now as we are back together in our living arrangement. If I even so much as put my arms out first for a hug goodnight it doesn't happen, if I just look up and say goodnight and turn back to the TV, she comes over and gives me a hug, can't figure that one out
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
mk, I don't know if you know this about me, but my H and OW were caught 'together' in the car by a police officer. He ran both of their plates, and gave them a lecture about how he noticed they have two different last names and residences. Then proceeded to talk about us (the spouses) at home, caring for the house/kids, unknowing and undeserving of what they were doing. I am glad you speak up too, everyone should!!!
Quote:
Although my H chose to have an affair and lie, I think he is doing so out of desperation. Sounds sick, but kind of like an abortion. NO ONE wants that, they just get desperate and think it will save their future but it is a horrible experience. I really do not glamorize affairs, I think of it as a heroine binge gone wrong. Now the repurcussions are pretty bad.
I can totally understand this, about how our H's were so desparate and lost, this was the path they chose.
I have the paperwork to file a legal separation. I do get told to file for divorce. Some say wait.
Stats: Mother-D BFF-LS BIL-D MIL-D Neighbor-LS SIL-W H-D- But has not filed?? ME-Waffling AUNT-W
Maybe it is the Libra in me but I cannot make a decision but I fear having one made for me. I had the six month time limit imprinted on mt brain and in my heart and the Bomb was 4/8/07 so the six months is up Monday-10/8/07!!!!
I do not see that I am actually trying to save my marriage at this point. I have never received an apology or any sign of doubt not once. I have not seen a single tear and he said he has not missed me or our life one single day. He has detached from the kids in a transitional way.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
He has detached from the kids in a transitional way.
I am so sorry that you haven't received any apology or remorse (mine is very little here too), but the above makes me the most sad, I think. They are innocent, brought into the world to be loved by the two people that made them. Its just not fair. I am sorry. I honestly don't picture myself trying to save our marriage either because there is only so much one person can do.
HUGS
Came back to say, what do you want? Do you want to file? Do you picture yourself ever healing from a D? What do you think H would do if you filed? What do you have to 'gain' from a legal S?
