Forrest Gump and his box of choclates.

[Forrest Gump]

Well I left. It is what she is telling me she wants. I feel like I left for all the wrong reasons. I don't need to miss her anymore than I do. Maybe she will miss something. I am not sure what but maybe. The kids knew I may be leaving. So I went to my daughters softball game to say goodbye and I would see them soon. My wife asked if I wanted to sit down I said no. As I was leaving I sent her this message.

I just came by to say goodbye. I do not want to do this (leave home) but I do not want to be selfish. Or percieved as selfish. I feel I am doing this for all the wrong reasons. You know that. I do resent the fact that this is what you want. I am not the hero or the good guy. I am doing this because you told me to. No other reason. Goodbye (Her Name) I hope you find what you are looking for.

So today is the first day of my new life.

[Forrest Gump]

So I just realized I am a WAS and my wife is the LBS. Just had to laugh at that a little.

[littlebitlost]

This is not goodbye forrest....it is hello to something new. Something different and healthy. Try not to tell her you resent anything. It is negative. You have to turn this into something positive and you CAN. you aren't a WAS when you have been told to leave. You have done simply what she asked you to do and in the future when it is discussed and I am sure it will be once the waters calm.....you will know and you can tell you simply did what she asked you to do.

I know that i was great for a few weeks and then it all hit. It hit me what my situation really was. Becuase your wife knows you dont want this she has all the power right now. She i'm sure feels taht if she called you tomorrow and told you to come back you would. I felt the same. When you can be strong and say to her this is what you have decided and now I am going to take control of myself and make myself a better person for me, my children and any future relationship I MAY have, you will again have control. Not over her but over yourself. Being in control and being able to say I have no control over you or this situation but I have control over me and the way I react and feel is very li9berating. it is also very attractive to the people around you.

When she calls, and I can almost guarantee she will say you are in the middle of something and that you will call her back. You can act concnerned...'is everything OK? Yes...OK i'm jus tin the middle of something can I call you back?' She will wonder what you are doing.

Let her know that this was not what you wanted but that you are accepting of the situation and that (even if it has) you are sad sure, but you are not broken. Work on being a better you, the best you.

Allof these things worked on me....trust me.

[Forrest Gump]

Lilly I told you that you amaze me. You are smart. I understand that she has control and that is what she has always wanted. I do resent the fact she won't leave. Knowing me I will hold onto that a long time. I feel that in leaving and following her direction I am running away from her problem. For me to leave was a huge scrafice (sp?) on my part. I have always had to be the one to pick up the pieces from whatever mess she had. I have told her for years please stand up for yourself. In my mind here I go picking up the pieces once again. She wants me to man up and leave. I wanted her to be a woman and follow thru on something. I really am not angry. This was a really hard thing for me to do. I almost walked out the door 100 times last night and today. You wanna know what told me to finally do it? Two words Austin and Alex. They don't need this drama anymore. She indicates to me all the time "think about the kids". Today I was the only one thinking about them.

What I really don't get and maybe it is because I have not walked thru it is how time is going to make this better. Said it once said it a hundred times. I am leaving all our issues right there. Unresolved. Where are they gonna be when she wakes up (if she does)? Right there where I left um. We will see Lilly.

[Lanzo]

Hey Forrest

I really feel for you man. As you told me a while back our situations are very similar, but I wasn't asked to leave but I had to for my own a sanity and self respect. I lived with my sister for 2 months but I am now back in my own house, albeit under strained circumstances. It's always difficult to react to you own situation when you are surrounded by all of the drama and the fog but sometimes you need to step back to be able to get that objective view. Re read my stitch and look at some of the good advice you've given me (and others) and see how you own words could be applied to you own stitch. Remember you're a simple guy so stick to the high points. (I hope this came across ok).


Lan

[littlebitlost]

I think I was talking about the control issues forrest but I might have missed something in lily's post, (not sure) but there a whole lot of different dynamics to control and how they can affect your situation.

If you wanted to know my take I would be more than happy to give it to you but it might be something lily was talking about that you are referring to in which case i will follow along and give input when I think it might be useful....

hope you are feeling strong. And remember when you do fall down, pick yourself up,. lick a wound, brush yourself off and carry on........ when you do this people notice!!!

[Forrest Gump]

Go ahead Littlebitlost post away with your insight. I think in my running around moving yesterday I got confused who said what. I am just a DAM ya know. It will keep my mind off not being with my kids.

The really weird thing about this is I am not angry. I should be fuming mad. I wish I could be. I did get mad when whe was telling me to leave because if I didn't I was just a selfish child. Needless to say that pissed me off.

I am really wondering why I never saw this in her before. It has been there along time. I was over at my best friends house last night and me and his wife got to talking. At this point since I am gone I don't feel like I need to defend my position on staying. He really had not told his wife much and we just started talking about stuff and here it comes. I find out about another guy. I should be angry about that. Maybe I am numb to it at this point. What struck me as odd was that this was the first I have ever heard of it from anyone. This has been going on for 5+ years. I don't really know alot about that situation because BF wife was not around my wife much without me. But 1 of the 4-5 times they went out she got to see my wife flirting/talking to another man. I feel like a fool. When me and my wife and my BF and his wife went out, me and BF would always just act like fools. We were just having fun but we acted like fools. Most people thought it was funny. Our wives not so much. My wife used to say you are with me I don't want people to see my man acting like a fool. This started happening alot after the first EA/PA. Now I am the one that looks like a complete fool because my wife was running around with other men. Hell one of them came to our new years eve party last year(Just recently found out about him too). This right here is why I knew this was going to be this way. It gives me time to dwell on her not chosing me again. Anyway sorry to ramble on. Just my fun life.

[littlebitlost]

Forrest

I am just curious.....your best friends wife told you there has been an affair going on for 5+ years? Am I confused? Are they sure because if they dont know this for sure, they should keep their mouths shut! my H was told the same thing about me and it was absolutely untrue!!!!! I in turn heard the same things about him. They also were untrue. People can make assumptions about what is going on between two people and their assumptions may not be accurate. Remember this acronym FEAR

F - false
E - evidence
A - appearing
R - real

people may see things as evidence of something that isn't even real. Assumptions, remember, make an ass of out of you and me.

If you are sure taht this is what happened, then I truly am sorry for this situation. In my opinion, not that it counts for anything but, moving out is probably for the best. NOT because your marriage is over but because it gives you two a chance to be on your own. Being on your own will give you each an opportunity to 'miss' the other. It is amazing that you can actuaslly begin to miss things about the other person that used to annoy you. You may find that by detaching and distancing you may end up more in her thoughts than when you were there. It is hard to 'miss' someone who is always around.

Questions....were you always around for her, there for her?

Did you do things for her on a regular basis?

If she asked yo to do somethng would you change your plans to accomodate her?

and as you would say...yes, this is going somewhere

[Forrest Gump]

My wifes first EA was about 4-5 years ago. The BF wife just got to witness her flirting and trying to set up a date with yet another guy. I am not the type of guy that makes assumptions. Remember I logic it all but am a slow learner.

I don't need an opprotunity to miss her I have had at least a solid year to do that. I am hoping that she will but she will start to miss me.

Yes I have picked up the pieces, and been there for her. I was designated the "fixer" even though that is not what I am good at.

No I do not do things on a regular basis. Other than take care of the kids.

No I would not change plans to accomadate her. In the past three months yes. That has been a huge issue with her all along. Which I am just now finding out.

I am letting go. She wanted this. This is up to her. Always has been. She will have to stand on her own and decide what she wants to do. Trust me when I say I am not angry. I dislike the situation that has but me here but I am ok with it. This sounds calous but I know who I am. What I want. I just never knew how to ask for it. I do now. Actually I was asking for it after the first EA she had. I wrote about it. I was not communicating in a way she could "hear". I have now. She is still not "listening". If she was reading this she would say its all aboutme, what you want. Silly thing is we both want the same thing. We just talk different.

So where we going......

[littlebitlost]

So wait, you dont know for sure that there is an affair going on?

I wasnt talking about you missing her only.....I was talking about her missing you!

Letting go is good right now no matter what situation there is with OM. If there is one...letting go is good. if there sin't one, letting go is still good.

I believe that you are taking this well...I have trouble believing you arent a little angry.

If she read this she should know that this is about what you want but also about what she wants. If the two of you are not at the same place then it cant work.. That doesnt mean you will never be at the same place a t the same time.

I agree that you know what you are doing. Keep doing what is best for you. If she is having some kind of affair...you know as well as I do...it wont last. Does she have committment issues that you know of. Can she commit to other things and stick with them?