Lilly I told you that you amaze me. You are smart. I understand that she has control and that is what she has always wanted. I do resent the fact she won't leave. Knowing me I will hold onto that a long time. I feel that in leaving and following her direction I am running away from her problem. For me to leave was a huge scrafice (sp?) on my part. I have always had to be the one to pick up the pieces from whatever mess she had. I have told her for years please stand up for yourself. In my mind here I go picking up the pieces once again. She wants me to man up and leave. I wanted her to be a woman and follow thru on something. I really am not angry. This was a really hard thing for me to do. I almost walked out the door 100 times last night and today. You wanna know what told me to finally do it? Two words Austin and Alex. They don't need this drama anymore. She indicates to me all the time "think about the kids". Today I was the only one thinking about them.
What I really don't get and maybe it is because I have not walked thru it is how time is going to make this better. Said it once said it a hundred times. I am leaving all our issues right there. Unresolved. Where are they gonna be when she wakes up (if she does)? Right there where I left um. We will see Lilly.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
