Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
yes, thank you. I need to try to get some sleep. I hope that it comes tonight. Might be a rough one. Was just wondering if anyone read my long post of last night?
G I read it too, it was good. I am sorry for what is going on with you. Just so you know my H filed 3 months ago and here I am still kicking. But it ain't over till it's over, right? I know it's hard, it's going to be very hard to accept it, but we all eventually do. I read a lot about how to best handle things after our S's file and I found one acceptable path that I have chosen since H filed. I even wrote to Michele to ask her on this and she wrote back saying that I should try to remain friendly. So what I would say to you is stay friendly, distant, keep working on yorself, set your boundaries and start protecting yourself, but don't let things get ugly. I was there too, we had some pretty nasty stuff going on between me and H after he filed, and I almost started to hate him, but I decided I wasn't going down that road, it would have been too easy. So each time he disappointed me during the past three months, I consciously chose to react in a better way and it works. I am not telling you to become a doormat, just to think everything over before reacting to her or talking to her. Just my sitch and opinion, I hope you find some useful stuff in it, but of course you need to choose a path that works for you and your sitch. Only you can decide on that.
"So what I would say to you is stay friendly, distant, keep working on yorself, set your boundaries and start protecting yourself, but don't let things get ugly."
I agree with this whole heartedly. I want to try to be that way. I guess when I get the offical papers I will see as to how fair she wants to be. I am guessing....that for the most part she will be, up until this point I will admit that she has been, (even more than). I think that some of this is driven out of guilt. Right now, for me, its all about business and I am out to get the best possible deal I can for myself and my daughter.
G, go for a fair deal. Would you want the best deal if it was clearly unfair to W? She's still the mother of D, and D will be spending lots of time with W. Having said that, make sure the deal you go for us fair to you too.
Hang in there man! Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I am right there with you. Got some D papers left for me on my kitchen counter yesterday. You sound pretty good and I am glad you are OK. I am a bit sad, but ok too.
Well when I got home from work today. Things were packed. Her move is going to occur this weekend. She has removed pictures of our daughter from the walls.........
I knew that this was coming for quite some time now, but it is so hard. She left me a note. "I will come by and move all of my stuff on Saturday, if it is ok with you" How do I answer that? NO ITS NOT OK........NONE OF THIS IS OK!!!! IT
It sucks! My wife has had her stuff packed up in the dining room for almost four weeks now, although she's not actually moved out yet. I'm not complaining that she's still there, but it misery to walk by every day and see all of the stuff just piled up.
I'm debating what the best thing to do is - Be a friend, and help her move and hopefully keep my 'foot in the door'? I can't imagine just ignoring her and making her do it on her own is going to do anything to make her feel like she should be with me.
I asked my wife if moving is what she really wants. She said no (at least, the time I asked she felt that way), but since she already had the rental agreement, she felt like she had to go through with it. All I know is that when she's motivated to move, it's the WORST time to talk to her about it. Don't do it!
G - I'm so sorry for the bomb man. I really am. Sucks. But you seem to have the right attitude going. Pick yourself, dust yourself and continue to put one foot in front of the other. In the end that is all you can do.
My take on the "details" of a divorce...once one person blinks...it gets ugly fast. Sounds like you both probably want this to go smoothly...so keep it that way. Remember, you control your attorney..not the other way around. It is your attorney's job to get you the most he or she can. You however need to have this woman in your life for a very long time to come and you need to co-parent with her. That doesn't mean lay down...but that doesn't mean ask for more than you deserve and push buttons. K?
Stay strong - you have done a LOT of work on yourself that is going to pay back HUGE dividends in the future for you.
Swash I hear you on details. I am not trying to get to excited here until I see the actual copy of the papers. Lets just see what she thinks she wants. Will give me an idea of how smooth this will all go. There is all ready a hiccup with this lawyer thing....she is going to be pissed, and it is not my fault really. The Law office screwed up and should have never talked to her.......gonna be interesting to see how all of this plays out.
still kicking. But it ain't over till it's over, right? I know it's hard, it's going to be very hard to accept it, but we all eventually do. I read a lot about how to best handle things after our S's file and I found one acceptable path that I have chosen since H filed. I even wrote to Michele to ask her on this and she wrote back saying that I should try to remain friendly. So what I would say to you is stay friendly, distant, keep working on yorself, set your boundaries and start protecting yourself, but don't let things get ugly. I was there too, we had some pretty nasty stuff going on between me and H after he filed, and I almost started to hate him, but I decided I wasn't going down that road, it would have been too easy. So each time he disappointed me during the past three months, I consciously chose to react in a better way and it works. I am not telling you to become a doormat, just to think everything over before reacting to her or talking to her. 
