I'm still doing it

[nephartiti]

I didn't hear it, but he probably kept it off or on silent. He was here all day and into the evening.

I forgot to mention he said, sit down, "I know I caused my share of hurt by my behavior." He did not apologize, but he started to take responsibility for his share. After I apologized for bringing up OW he said, "It's ok. You have questions and want answers."

Wow. This is starting to sound like the man I married. I just hope he isn't abducted again.

[Nugget]

Tomorrow he may hate me again.

I agree. It is amazing how we begin to expect this. How I long for the day that this does not occur.

(((nephartit))) Best wishes to you.

[mkultra]

Safe path home. No expectations. Agree to everything. Safe path home. This is not a bargaining chip. Dating others or that impression will bust a divorce, truly. Do not bring up OW, I still doubt her existance but I am the Queen of denial, anywho. Safe path home. Only after his true remorse and his patience can you lay down some laws. Boundaries are good but laws, covenants, and ultimatums are not so good yet. Do not panic and do not jump for joy. Stay calm and keep acting as if everything is perfect with the status quo. OK , but I am jumping for joy on the inside!!! His fog is clearing!

[SallyM]

stay strong, neph. and he may take a step back before stepping forward again, but I think mk says it all. safe path home.

[nephartiti]

Yes, I am expecting him to take a step back. He has to be sure. He said so himself. Plus, he wants to see if I really am willing to give him that space.

No pressure. No expectations. Safe path home.

Thanks

I haven't sent the retro link yet. I want to be gentle. If he is withdrawing a little, which I expect, I don't want to send it at a time when he will reject it. I haven't heard from him yet. That's ok. I sent a pic of the kids at bedtime (they were all bundled in the blankets. So cute!) with a voice note from S2.

We are going to do some yard work and carry on as usual in our "home".

[nephartiti]

My Tori quote of the day

"You say the word you know I will find you
or if you need some time I don't mind
I won't hold on to the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known,
but I believe I'm worth coming home to
kiss away the night.
This girl only sleeps with Butterflies
So go on and fly then, boy" (Sleeps with Butterflies)

[mkultra]

Tori knows!!! How does she know?

[SallyM]

neph, you sound so together. I'm so happy to hear you being so strong. keep it up!

[nephartiti]

I don't know if I'd say I am together, but I am still standing. That has to count for something.

[nephartiti]

Well S2 was asking for H. Tried to occupy his atention with something else, but, alas, the poor lad kept picking up the phone and saying "call papa?" So we called. Of course H didn't answer. Of course S2 got upset. I hate this! I don't call unless it is for S2. Why can't he just answer?!? I guess I'm going to have to just not call b/c I hate to see S2 melt down afterwards. Last night was so hard too. He cried for 45 minutes straight after H left. Then on and off all night. It was brutal. Of couse H doesn't realize this because he is not here.

Just frustrated. I'll get over it.

I'm going to clean up a bit, and then maybe we'll have a movie night and some ice cream.