Just need to vent..went out with h and some friends for coffee..when he brought me home he asked if our next video club night was set, we are hosting it, I said I thought Apr 26..he said that night he is chaperoning youth group overnight at a camp, and the 12th going to a dinner with his mother..I said well the 19th is the night before Easter and most people might not want to come...a friend in the club is having hip surgery on the 29th so I would like to have it before May..so why am I feeling down?? I thanked him for the pie and said goodnight...H knew it was going to be one of those nights..guess these things of his are more important?? It's times like this that I wonder if we will ever be able to be together again..he seems to have a life without me and seems to be content.Him feeling like he could not have outside interests was part of our problem and I did not realize it until we talked about the past. I see him doing all these things with our church..he's going to a 5 day seminar the last week of April..if we do get back together will I become controling of the time he spends away? I know now that his side job at the church does not consume the time he spent there when he was home..he could not stand being here.
I don't know..I was on top of the world the other night when he called..but was that just to bring the shirts to his sister??? Is this just all a joke... I have lived with this man for 25 years I should be able to say anything to him and feel comfortable, yet I can't ask him where we stand right now..how he's feeling about us...and why would I think he's madly in love with me..misses our home??? The only thing different is that he's not here and we are both at ease with each other when we are together...why why why.. 5 months turns to 10..when will he decide what he wants...what about me..has he ever thought about what I need or want... I would like a hug I would love a kiss I would like to know if there is a chance for us to make it
And I won't know the answers until I am willing to risk this safe feeling, this little world that I am in and ask him...
