Just need to vent..went out with h and some friends for coffee..when he brought me home he asked if our next video club night was set, we are hosting it, I said I thought Apr 26..he said that night he is chaperoning youth group overnight at a camp, and the 12th going to a dinner with his mother..I said well the 19th is the night before Easter and most people might not want to come...a friend in the club is having hip surgery on the 29th so I would like to have it before May..so why am I feeling down?? I thanked him for the pie and said goodnight...H knew it was going to be one of those nights..guess these things of his are more important?? It's times like this that I wonder if we will ever be able to be together again..he seems to have a life without me and seems to be content.Him feeling like he could not have outside interests was part of our problem and I did not realize it until we talked about the past. I see him doing all these things with our church..he's going to a 5 day seminar the last week of April..if we do get back together will I become controling of the time he spends away? I know now that his side job at the church does not consume the time he spent there when he was home..he could not stand being here.
I don't know..I was on top of the world the other night when he called..but was that just to bring the shirts to his sister??? Is this just all a joke... I have lived with this man for 25 years I should be able to say anything to him and feel comfortable, yet I can't ask him where we stand right now..how he's feeling about us...and why would I think he's madly in love with me..misses our home??? The only thing different is that he's not here and we are both at ease with each other when we are together...why why why.. 5 months turns to 10..when will he decide what he wants...what about me..has he ever thought about what I need or want... I would like a hug I would love a kiss I would like to know if there is a chance for us to make it
And I won't know the answers until I am willing to risk this safe feeling, this little world that I am in and ask him...
Feeling better with new day..it always helps to step back and think about things..if I had called h last night I might have said things that I would have regretted...I realized that I do have a controling thing...not on purpose, but for all our years I relayed something to h that he was not to have outside life..and when he said he was doing this and that in these next few weeks I nearly had a fit...but kept it inside...so I have a major thing to work on..? is how? Right now he is free to do whatever..if he comes back then I have to learn how to let him have outside stuff without falling back to the old ways.
Hi..Lisa I did ask him about a month ago when he was leaving..gave me a very nice one..but I don't want to start scaring him..as I don't know what his feelings are..it has on;y been 5 months..a long time, yet not really when someone is confused..needs space. SO I was not going to ask again for a hug. When I really feel confident I am going to try and talk to h..maybe tell him if he wants to talk I am ready to listen...I plan things to say, but when I am in person it does not come out the same way. Will see.. Sue
H called today to see if I would pick him up at hotel where he took sil car (she's coming back from bus trip)I did..small talk on way back to mil to get his car..as he was trying to get door open(I have auto lock)I said "I have you locked in" he just laughed..almost told him about a dream I had the other night...we were TOGETHER..guess my moans woke me up..I wanted to fall back asleep so we could finish!!! But, I did not tell him..I might though to see the reaction.
Quote: as he was trying to get door open(I have auto lock)I said "I have you locked in" he just laughed..
My, my - Sue getting bold!
I have the same type of dreams about W - that we survive this mess and that we have a much better M than we did before.
Should you tell him about yours? Would that be a 180 for you? If you do tell him, I would pick a nice and calm moment to do so - then monitor what happens over the next couple of days.
Had a conversation with sil last night about someone at our church...that upset me so...I called a h and left a message that I was so upset..he did not call me back today..so I called him..explained it all..he calmly listened and offered suggestions...we talked about work..told him my supervisor let me know how much she appeciated my hard work..he said that was nice..just wish he would ask me sometime how I am doing..anything..he will always answer..just won't ask. Said his mom is having ham for Easter, and I could bring dessert..I said I did not know if I would be invited he said "yes" in his "you kno you are" voice. I thanked him as I was hanging up for listening to ne vent..he said you're welcome. Maybe I should not have called him..twice..but he does not seem to be disgusted to talk to me..like he was 6 or 8 months ago.
