Whoa..I almost slipped to pg 3..yikes..nothing new to report..but I always feel better after journeling..I think my pms is setting in, as I had an overwhelming feeling of saddness set in that maybe h and I just are not meant for each other..I have not talked to him since Friday...and then I thought if he were to call me..what would we really have to say to each other..maybe I really don' t know how to act in a h/w-m/f relationship..oh I can do more than my share of "talking"..I am not at a loss in a group of friends..but because the past year has been so iffy and tense.I can't remember ever just hanging out with h and talking..it scares me.
I then try to assure myself that h is still finding himself..but I am so lonely for him and have I been fooling myself on this strong person I feel like I have become? So many things I am questioning..oh boy..I need to get grip.I know the only way to find out what's going on with him is to ask..and that horrible fear is there..plus this would not be the best week..so I journal..listen to your kind support that I get and continue to be patient.
Sue, My H is "thinking" at the moment, and it seems like such a slow process. So I decided to focus on my remaining March goals this week. Then next week, I'll figure out what I need to do to cope with next week.
Just a suggestion... Do you have any goals that you would like to accomplish? Take it a week at a time. Maybe it will help kill the time.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Hello. Thanks for stopping by my thread. Of course the new stronger you is for real. Waiting for our spouses to contact us is so hard. My h let me "think" for 7 months. Actually he did all the wrong things, pleading, begging, & so on. If he had let me think earlier maybe our sitch wouldn't have gotten so wild.
I don't know. You need to let him think though and trying to figure out what he's thinking will not help. Concentrate on Sue. Make yourself happy if only for 15 minutes. Do something for you. Today each time my h came to mind I thought about our soliders & their families. It really helped me.
Anyway please to meet you. I know I'm not making any sense! Must get to bed.
Kip
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
Hey thanks you guys..I needed some pick me ups..Kip..I have not read your threads closely..but were you the one who wanted out of the m? I will do better about reading your history.
hope the changes are for real, as I have always had a low self esteem, but have been doing better..I have even begun having a real understanding for a supervisor at work who is a downer, complainer, but then I look at her life, with an alcoholic h, who *itches and runs her life..and the old me was always butting heads with her, I now try to step back and deal with her differently. So I know you can change old habits for the better.
Mal..is your h at home or gone? I need to read your posts too..thing is I do read them, but then from going to so many different one, I forget who I read about and their whole sitch..sorry I will try to do better.
H did call me at work today about car ins that they say I did not pay.. we get it through the bank that he works at.. evidently with car ins..if they don't recieve it by the due date you are automatically dropped..I said I sent check last week, and that it is not due till 3/31..I told him I almost called him last night as I was weepy..he said he was not home..I said I know..actually I did not say that is why I was going to call, to leave a message..cause I know I would have been bawling if I talked to him and that would not be the best. Maybe he needs to know that I get sad..silly me I think he knows..I think he also knows that I want our m to work..when we went to c last spring and summer, these things all were discussed..so he knows. I have to realize on the down days that 6 months is not an end of the world time frame for sorting out ones life and thoughts..now as we approach the 1 year lease on the appartment in Nov..and if we have not talked..well I am going to have to get some guts here.He's the one who said he did not want to buy alot, cause he did not know how long he would be there..said he could get out of lease, but might have to pay if they could not rent it..so he went into all this giving me hope that it was not permanent..but I know things, people change.
Quoting hoping: Mal..is your h at home or gone? I need to read your posts too..thing is I do read them, but then from going to so many different one, I forget who I read about and their whole sitch..sorry I will try to do better.
That's okay. You made a post on my thread earlier this week, and I wanted to return the favor. It just took me a few days to make the rounds.
As for keeping up with me, it is hard. I have so much good stuff going on write now, it feels like I write a book everyday.
My H is not home YET. He is living with OW. But it looks like my sitch could be taking a turn for the better.
Do you believe in prayer?
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Quote: and then I thought if he were to call me..what would we really have to say to each other..maybe I really don' t know how to act in a h/w-m/f relationship..oh I can do more than my share of "talking"..I am not at a loss in a group of friends..but because the past year has been so iffy and tense.I can't remember ever just hanging out with h and talking..it scares me.
Sue, it was the same with me and my W right after I started to DB. You see, I didn't really remember much of what we ever really "talked" about. So, it was kind of difficult to engage her in conversation as she was still a WAW and we hadn't had a huge history of verbal communication. I guess I'm just the typical male. In any case, slowly we began to talk about this and that, then we would talk more. Soon I felt more comfortable with it and it flowed easier. After some time, she would talk to me instead of just getting on the phone.
I mentioned this before in regard to you and your H, but have you engaged him in conversation in which you need help "resolving a problem?" You know, since he does this at church it might make him feel as though he's connecting with you. Perhaps something that doesn't include you two as a couple (like the auto insurance sitch), but rather, just you?
Mal..glad to hear things might be getting better..I will take the time to read through your posts..Yes.. I believe in prayer, I just don't know how to pray..I have just begun to get more involved in our church..we have 2 new, great ministers, and their sermons are so meaningful and seem to have fit into our lives lately..h does finances there..in choir..so I do see him there on Sundays.He confided in one of the ministers when he was thinking he needed to leave, and she told him he needed to do what he thought was right for him, and I have never told him or anyone(except here) that that bothers me that she would almost encourage him to leave a m. She is d, and I hope that she does not encourage that. Am i crazy to worry about that? They have become good friends and have been seen out to lunch, and someone he knows asked a friend if that was his new girlfriend..how sad..I don't really worry about that, yet a part of me knows what other people think and say..and I would think that they should consider that too. I think h does not understand what people see and repeat, and I would hate to see someone report the minister is out with a seperated man. Oh ..I did not mean to get off on that..but it does bother me or I would not keep bringing it up..but if you have read back in my threads, the fact that my h had/has a ff and they did things together contributed to our problems...mainly me not thinking that married people can have opposite sex friends..I have come along way on those thinkings..but a small part of it bothers me..
Jethro..we do pretty good talking, if there is really something to say..he has helped me try to deal with a co-worker in a calm way..we talk ok about house, church stuff..so maybe he is ready to talk about us stuff... Will see in time.
last night s made homemade pizza and he and I were going to play a game of scrabbel, and for some reason I thought, at the last minute I am going to call h and see if he wants some, knowing probably that he will refuse..after a awhile of those, you get used to them..well he said he was just about to put one in the oven, I said "a homemade one"..he said" hardly..hmm maybe I will come over"..oh boy I ecstatic..he came we played a few games of scrabble..talked about the current events and church stuff..he left.BUT...for the first time in 25 years..he thanked me for supper!!!said he would see Sunday at church, but then forgot his bell group was going to visit another church.
So..is that a positive step or what!!! When I am down, I justify that he would hopefully refuse to do things with me if he really did not have some hope or a little care for me still left.As much as I don't want to hear those things, I prefer honesty to pretending.I am going to remain PATIENT..and keep praying that there is still a glimor of hope for a new r to begin.
