Sara, thank you for all your words throughout my whole crisis. I appreciate it!
I agree that she really has her claws in deep. The card I found recently had her professing her love, yet again, to him and reminding him that at one point in time he professed his love to her. Additionally, she assured him that even if they couldn't be together on this earth, they are surely joined together in eternity and they would be together there, although she hoped they could be together on earth. She gave him that card on Sept 14, the same day we went to our Retro weekend. Nice.
Obviously, I don't think that she truly cares for herself so much, or the well-being, welfare, of my H. For all the professions of love she has made for him, she certainly hasn't made his life easier. I think that when you truly care for someone you ARE supposed to do what is right for them. Not for yourself. I guess she missed that somewhere along the road. I pity her, really.
I told my H last night that it is not Ok with me for him to have a R with any other woman. He is well aware of the pain he has caused me. Even while he was doing it he knew how painful it is for me. I have never seen him this broken up over all it. He has never said, before last night, that he wished he wasn't with her. I think he truly regrets his actions Thursday night but is operating on fear. He was abandoned as a child by both parents and was raised by his grandparents. Walking out the other night was probably the worst thing I could have done to him. She is constant in his life. Constantly happy to see him, talk to him, be with him, etc. I haven't done such a great job at being constantly happy. I take too much of this out on him. I must find the balance of expressing displeasure, without attacking. Retro has given us (me) tools to do this, but it's very difficult, now, for me to express anything other than negativity. I think maybe I will choose something positive for us to dialogue about today. Maybe that will help.
I wasn't able to speak with any of the couples last night. There was one couple that H and I liked from the weekend - I'm going to reach out to them and see their take on the situation.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
