Here we go 'round in circles...

[SDFoundGirl]

I would like to suggest two things. First, recognize that you aren't done growing yet, and remember that the personal growth is first and foremost about YOU. Don't get sucked into the trap of thinking in terms of H holding you back. That just goes back to the ol' DBer Principles, right?

Second, that doesn't mean that H gets to sit on his butt. Or, I should say, he can't do that and expect you to be there forever. You've already dropped the bomb on the boy, and it seemed like he was starting to get off the dime. What happened? Did the numbing drugs of comfort zone suck him back in? Did he talk himself out of taking any action? Did he decide you weren't really serious? WTF?

Thanks, Rob. I suspect all you state here is correct. Honestly, the big thing I've realized I really, really want is a great sex life, and we've never had that. It's not bad, but it's, well, predictable and almost made for TV's Leave It to Beaver. Our MC told us yesterday that couples in their 70's are still having sex 3x a week, which is the average for most people. We aren't even close...and a lot of it has to do with me not having my love tank filled. In the past, neither of us had our love tanks filled.

So, H is getting what he wants emotionally, so now he's more interested in ML. But, though I want to ML too, my body and mind are shutting down and saying NO WAY.

For women, passion and ML begin outside of the bedroom. We can't be friendly, platonic people outside of the bedroom and then flip the passion switch. At least I don't work like that.

So, H woke me up with the bomb, and once I woke up I noticed this huge, gaping hole in our R, and now I'm on my personal growth journey to add this to my life.

I don't know what his deal is. He says he cares, he says he wants to, but he says work distracts him and he can't multi-task. And then I feel like dung and unimportant and insignificant and undesirable...and I wonder why I would stay with someone who values me so little.

I do think he's salvageable as you said...but I can't change him. The MC called bullsh*t on his excuses yesterday and gave him an assignment to read a book about what women need in order to feel ready to ML. She told him his job was impacting our M, and he agreed.

But I've heard the tale of I'm gonna find another job a thousand times now.

So, I'm going to keep working on me and see what happens in the meantime. But I'm tired, and the truth is, I'd prefer to spend time with my friends at this point then spend time with him. It's a drain, and there's very little payoff for me.

SD