Sue - let me know how you liked "Chicago." I was planning on going to see that the night that I got laid off. Hopefully I'll be able to see it next weekend - have a play to attend on Saturday night.
I did like Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." Although I'm not very religious, I did get a lot out of it.
Bob,we crossed paths...I was thinking about a post on lisakates thread when she said maybe I need to shake up our r..the truth is I am afraid of what he will say..as I said on her thread..I have been going about each day with a sense of peace and I am not sure if it is because the tension is gone and finally after a year of "what is going to happen next"that we moved to the next level being seperated,or if I have been dreaming/hoping that it will all turn out ok and h will want to work on m in time.Friends have said I am handling it so well..now I am scared to death that if I ask him anything and it is not what I have been hoping was going to happen that I will fall apart..I want to have control of myself and I have come accross so strong..it just scares me. I have not allowed myself to face the fact that he may not want me anymore and that hurts so deep that I can't even type it here without the tears streaming down my face..I thought I had gotten past that, knowing that I will be ok with or without him...maybe I have just buried it..so many maybes...he has not indicated any such thing that he's not going to try...why am I questioning it..4 months is nothing compared to 25 years of being together and what we are hoping to accomplish in the end. So I guess I will go find something to comfort me and think about the talk before I jump in and say things that I will regret later. I did see him at church tonight..he asked if our s wanted to go out to eat Sat. for his birthday, but I said he wanted to go to the gambling boat instead..he said that would be ok...why can't he just ask me how my day was..or how are you doing???A friend asks those things..can't he at least treat me like a friend...is he afraid of leading me on, raising my hopes or afraid of getting close because he knows he still loves me..errrrr why does it have to be like this.. Sue p.s. guess i needed to vent..I feel a little better now
Quoting Sue from lisakate32's thread: what is normal, anyway?: ..I have been going along thesse past four months feeling pretty good..so why rock the boat, why ask him..
Sue, what if he is thinking along those same lines too. Things could remain the way they are now for a very long time then.
Sue, you have done a excellent job of giving him space that you have the right to ask where does he see things going without him preceiving you as pressuring or being needy. Afterall, you are still married and therefore what he is doing still affects your life to some degree. Its not very respectful to keep you in the dark for so long.
I understand your fear of the outcome of such a talk, but the fear won't prevent the outcome from eventually occuring just postpone it. Why put it off longer than need be. Do what you have to, to prepare yourself for possibility of the worst that could happen, then its time to cross the bridge in order to move on.
I'm sorry if this is too blunt, but I doing this in a bit of a hurry ... just got a call from W to please come home.
Dear Sue: if you know my story, you also know i passed many many months in limboland, not knowing whats is on my h mind... and you know... we postpone the talk bc we arent prepare for the answers... So, sometimes we need to get out of limboland, just to put on the wheels of our own life... but prepare for the worst... think in many scenaries or possible answers or talks... and think how will you feel with each one... thats works for me... good luck... and stay in touch... andrea
Just an update..h and I went with s to casino for his birthday..we casually talked..I asked the questions.."hows work".."fine"..We are also going out to dinner with some other family tonight for s birthday. I do not want to ask any r questions right now..h left a few days before our d birthday and I don't want to remember sons birthday with whatever he may say that is not what I am hoping for..Call me chicken..in deniel, but I am not ready to confront him..for the most part we are both seemingly happier..less tense..so is it wrong to push it right now? I respect the opinions I get here..as we are the ones who have experienced similar feelings and questions. Family and friends seem to wonder "what are you waiting for"? I admit that I am afraid of what he might say..and in time..when I feel the time is really right..not just a bad day that I feel like I have to have answers right now, then I will ask. Seems we are never alone for very long.. He told me about how our f pastor and he had gone out for a beer after a meeting one night..why does that bother me?? He has gone out to lunch with her too..there have been some comments made about it from other people.I have had some of the old feelings coming back thinking is there something between those two..she's d and he's seperated. Why can't I understand that males and females can be friends..nothing else. We have discussed that here before.."when is a friendship an affair" could be a book!! As like his other ff, the pastor has found a compasionate friend in my h to talk to about some issues with our other pastor..long story..but at least my h has told me about some of these things, so I know that she needs someone to vent to..and she is far from being the needy *itch the other one is.Why does it always have to be the single/d/sep females that confide in him!!!!??? I am really rambling..but I am gaining more confidence that that is why we are here..to listen, respond if we want.
The weather is suppose to be nice this weekend so I guess I am going to get out and enjoy. Sue
Went out for supper with kids for s birthday..then went to mil for cake...we were talking about church things and at our church on Sunday we have the offering of peace where you greet everyone around you(I really don't like doing it but I do)and I was saying how eveyone always says my hands are cold..and h said "what do you respond with"? I said usuallyI just say "I know, they are always cold".He said why not say "Cold hands warm heart". I thought how nice of him to say that, he sure did not have to..so I feel my decision not to dig into any deep talk right now might be a wise decision.(I will admit fear is still up at the top, but I also know from experience, and not always the best result, that confronting at a time when you are anxious, down, etc..is not good). Also when he dropped me off he came in to take some cheesecake home, we have some stuff to do around the house, woodwork to strip, painting..I had gone and bought a cheap hand sander to try and strip the varnish off, well I told him that I was going to take it back, that there is a little bit better one..he just smiled that cute smile and said"I'll get the sander..I said there are a couple others to choose..he just said"I'll get one"all the time smiling as he knows that I am quick to get the first one I see..I just smiled and said "ok..bye" I think one thing that I have alwys done these past years is that I am independent on things like that..I am not afraid to tackle any project that for the most part, the man would probably do.As I look back maybe h started to feel like what do I need him for..I do everything..garbage out..mowing..cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping...yikes I need to take a break!!!He has had to do all that for himself these past months and maybe he enjoys it..believe me if he comes back there is going to be a major change in those departments. So all in all the weekend has been nice...I keep praying that these are all tiny signs of hope for our m to survive. Sue
So... follow your insticts... they are functioning so welll... maintain eyes open and try to enjoy your M...!!... if you dont feel ready to a R talk, avoid it... yes, it is so important to be on great mood for that... good luck, i hope everything continue well between both of you...!!...
went to a church program Sunday night..mil came and sat with me..h was there working in office..thought he might come in and sit with us..but I turned around and saw him sitting towards the back...what is that all about????I wonder what others thought..not that I really care anymore..saw him briefly as I was leaving..but I just left without saying anyhting..These are the times I just want to scream at him.."make up your mind, so I can go on with out wondering". But I don't say anything..I really have to build up to the r talk. It is just about a year..that h really changed and cut off all physical contact..am I freaky to remember when physical contact ended? That was really the beginning of the eggshells..I also remember that in Nov when he moved that it was the beginning of peace and really dbing to a stronger me. I am taking 3 much neede days off work to just do what ever I want..shopping sounds good..but spring cleaning does to.I really miss not being at home..so for the at home moms...realize that you are doing such a great, rewarding job and the workplace is not all glory. Sue
Sue, Thanks for responding to my thread the other day. I have some new developments on there right now that i could use some response to especially considering some of the similarities in our situations. The newest thing has some stuff to do with H's ff. Any input is appreciated.
Thanks, Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
