Bob,we crossed paths...I was thinking about a post on lisakates thread when she said maybe I need to shake up our r..the truth is I am afraid of what he will say..as I said on her thread..I have been going about each day with a sense of peace and I am not sure if it is because the tension is gone and finally after a year of "what is going to happen next"that we moved to the next level being seperated,or if I have been dreaming/hoping that it will all turn out ok and h will want to work on m in time.Friends have said I am handling it so well..now I am scared to death that if I ask him anything and it is not what I have been hoping was going to happen that I will fall apart..I want to have control of myself and I have come accross so strong..it just scares me. I have not allowed myself to face the fact that he may not want me anymore and that hurts so deep that I can't even type it here without the tears streaming down my face..I thought I had gotten past that, knowing that I will be ok with or without him...maybe I have just buried it..so many maybes...he has not indicated any such thing that he's not going to try...why am I questioning it..4 months is nothing compared to 25 years of being together and what we are hoping to accomplish in the end. So I guess I will go find something to comfort me and think about the talk before I jump in and say things that I will regret later. I did see him at church tonight..he asked if our s wanted to go out to eat Sat. for his birthday, but I said he wanted to go to the gambling boat instead..he said that would be ok...why can't he just ask me how my day was..or how are you doing???A friend asks those things..can't he at least treat me like a friend...is he afraid of leading me on, raising my hopes or afraid of getting close because he knows he still loves me..errrrr why does it have to be like this.. Sue p.s. guess i needed to vent..I feel a little better now
