The Zoo of the Surreal

[MJontheMend]

Okay, I've been gone for a couple days so you guys know what I've been up to. Yesterday it was an unseasonable 81 degrees in Michigan and I was to be found on GP's back deck eating steak and drinking wine (Keep the wine in mind it will become relevant later in this anecdote and note that the 3 glasses that I had was 2 glasses too many for me. Also, I think I had a low-grade fever due to a back-to-school virus I caught from my daughter). In theory, I might have been found wearing nothing but an over-sized mesh Michigan Panthers training jersey since that was my host's request, however a combination of approximately 20% modesty and 80% vanity added a couple key elements to my ensemble. Anyway, I did a bit of babbling as usual along the lines of what a coincidence it was that I had told him that he reminded me of a panther and he happened to have an old Panther's jersey he thought would look hot on me and then I forgot about the topic.

Flash-forward a few hours and some serious, serious somethin'-somethin' is going on. (Okay remember the wine, the low-grade fever, the fact that GP is an unfamiliar sexual partner and fairly huge and quite guy-you-don't-want-to-meet-in-alley looking, my general tendency towards over-active imagination, high levels of dopamine causing the effect of super-salience etc.) I'm on the bottom smiling up and then GP suddenly rears back, bares his teeth and GROWLS at me! Not just some kind of playful growl- it was totally realistic. Well, let's just say that it is a very good thing that your friend Mojo does not have a heart condition. I was terrified!

Of course, as GP revealed later, he had taken my zoo animal prattle as though I meant it as a suggestion for sexual role play and really it would have been quite excellent if I had been just a tiny bit more clued in and less variously mind-altered.


P.S. Note for those who are keeping track of how slutty I am. I waited to have sex with GP until:

1) Third date plus approximately 30 hours phone convo.
2) He started referring to me as his girlfriend.
3) He told me he doesn't like me driving home from his house after dark and he thought I wasn't dressed warmly enough on our second date.