Thanks for your kind words. I've said it before - can't say it enough. I wouldn't be where I am now without other people who showed me the way - I hope I can return the favor for others.
To answer your very good questions:
Where do you see yourself in the process now?
A realization I have had, since I moved to Piecing, is that DBing is a never-ending process. However, my target is no longer the DBing goal that brought me here. I no longer think that "Divorce Busting" is even the most important part of the process.
Instead, "Getting A Life" is the key. And GALing is a job that we NEVER finish, nor should we want to. To answer your question, I feel like I am doing TERRIFIC in this department.
If we Bust our Divorces in the process of GALing, that's icing on the cake. If succeed in Getting A Life but our marriages still fail - well, from what I've seen around here, that's usually because there's another person involved and even a perfect DBer can only do so much.
Do you now feel safe in your marriage at this point?
Well, you may remember that my wife dropped another mini-bomb on me not too long ago. That shook me up, no doubt about it.
Even without that, I think I will always have a little nagging fear that someday the M will end. That's one price of having gone through this - that fairy tale of happily ever after is gone for good.
On the other hand, I kinda think that's not entirely a bad thing. This lingering uncertainty is what will keep me watching for problems, trying to solve them, and not taking things for granted. I never want to be that oblivious, blindly-trusting-without-thinking person who got the first bomb again. This doesn't mean I don't trust my wife or expect her to stray back into the land of MLC craziness again. In my head, it just means I am grown up now, and approach our relationship from a grown up's point of view.
How would you rate your marriage at this point?
My marriage today is a lot stronger than it has been in years. I am more engaged in it, more connected with my wife, more aware of what I want out of it, and more conscious of fulfilling her needs as well.
Is it perfect? Of course not! There are still times when we fight, when we make mistakes, and when we don't give each other the best we have to give.
One of my guiding DB principles was always "Does ____ bring me closer to my goal, or push me farther away?" I still try to apply this regularly, with the ultimate long-term goal of having our relationship get better every month, every year. I expect that we will both continue to go through cycles of dissatisfaction, of growth, and of contentment. I hope we can always do that with a spirit of patience, understanding, and encouragement.
Rob
P.S. I didn't find a thread for you, but I hope you are doing OK.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
