Imconfused0807, I think Dom has a lot of good textbook ideas and I see his intention as the glass being more than half full.
The problem I have is applying many of the good textbook ideas.
I occasionally see an individual Counselor and bring up the textbook ideas and how to apply them. That is the Rub.
If applied too aggressively, sometimes the good intentions dig you in to a deeper hole.
My opinion of Karen1's position is, the more she does, the less Mr. K1 has to do or will do. Is that progress or trading one problem for another problem?
I tried to be the fixer in our M. It didn't get me much of what I wanted. Oh, my W loved my changes, even said so many times. We went to MC but danced around some topics because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
It took several fights and me saying I didn't want to live with her and another year for me to see my W's passive aggressive actions diminish. I fixed the main problem (her shopping addiction at the time) but the sex also dropped.
We talked about the sex we have in our R but my W is firm about she can’t feel what isn’t there naturally. I see the same mind set in other LD female posters. Some LF females get the message that sex is important only when the H is about to leave or has an A.
What it would take for Mr. K1 to wake up and to increase his SD for Karen1, I don’t know.
I am not saying Karen1's situation is like mine but I think I can read her posts and see where she doesn't want to trade crappy sex for some other losses in another area of her married life.
I know not bring up issues doesn’t help the R. I know people dig their feet in and become extremely resistant to the spouses request if too aggressive tactics are employed.
Because I only have a college BS degree, worked in a group home, have been M for 39 years, take an interest in what it takes for people to have good relationships and I don't play a family therapist on TV, what I post is my opinion, based on what works and what doesn’t work in my life.
What I can tell you is that Karen is one of true inspirations to me on this forum. I don't sense the "woe is me" attitude from her. She knows her situation. She knows it's tough Yes karen1 and many other people on the forum are true heroes in their own right.
