lester's house of pain

[lester]

Well, I've done little posts here and there so I thought it may be appropriate to start my own thread. When I was in Iraq I had a blog where I just laid it all out there (without operational detail, of course) about how I was feeling and thought. I think this new thread will be that for my new war. Right now, I feel very much like goinginsanehere. Used to feel even-keeled, but last weekend when wife and I had talked she seemed very much torn between me and OM but I think actions have to speak for themselves. She’s still in the house but after work goes upstairs and lays in bed until she falls asleep. Frank_D has slapped me around a bit about being too much of a doormat. I don’t know… it seems at one point or another we can all see ourselves that way.

So where’s it leave us? Do we push our spouses out the door? Demand devotion or divorce? I honestly don’t know the answer here. I think in my situation, the only thing she seems to respond to is the thought of me leaving her as evidenced by R talks (mostly initiated by her). I wish I had something positive to report but my Paxil hasn’t fully kicked in yet She looked up prepaid mobile last night so I think she’s steaming full ahead. I’m starting to think I should cut my losses here. I guess it’s hard to ask for advice here since you don’t know my wife and I day in and day out.

I’ve been thinking about the beginning of the relationship to try and find out what initially attracted her. I know this is going to sound odd but I really can’t figure it out. She’d say she liked my clothes, the way I walked and thought I’d be a good husband. She’s like a hurricane that just pulls into port and does whatever she wants… I know this isn’t the place to express these things but I think maybe I shouldn’t have married her. I guess it’s between waiting for her to choose and me dumping her. It’s patently unfair for her to even ask me to wait for her to make up her mind. I am a flippin human being with dignity.

Ohh well just venting for today. Maybe tomorrow will feel better.