Dom's ideas are not a problem as I see it. His intensity is.

I don't. I tend to see people in general be very intense about their careers, finances etc.. but when it comes to their marriage, maybe they're not as intense. Why? Personally, my marriage, my family take priority over any career I may have.

Dom's suggestion if Karen1 tries a particular activity, the results will be a 50% success rate doesn't seem to be realistic to Karen1 or me. I would estimate other people on the forum see the success rate of the said change/behavior to be closer to the very low end of the scale and accompanied by some fall-out from Mr. K1

50%, 25%, 10% whatever. The way I see it, Dom's suggestions will either work or they won't. If they are not tried, I can without question tell you that they will have a 100% failure rate. As for the fall-out from Mr. K1, judging from what I'm reading, how much more can he fall-out?

I guess it's a risk/reward scenario. Except for the lack of intimacy in my marriage, I consider it to be good. I love my wife. I can't really imagine life without her but for me it was a risk I'm willing to take to try and make what we have together better.

Before I do most things to change my R with BB, I estimate the energy required on my part and what the down side might be before I implement the said change.

Ok, now change that around. Your looking at the down side and Dom is looking at the up side. Is the glass half full or half empty?

One partner making changes does not happen in a vacuum. There are always some costs to the OP, the R, and myself. Sometimes the benefits outweigh the cost, sometimes they don't.

I agree. It goes back to the risk/reward scenario. Maybe I'm wrong but to me, Karen is here because she is not happy with how things are in her R. I don't see her as being here just for the support. IMHO, Karen needs to weigh her risks and determine if she is willing to take them for the rewards/costs associated with them.

My R with BB is strained many times, and like most people me doing the same thing but more intensely, hasn't netted me many good results.

Dom's suggesting do something is good advice. Cobra told one poster to do less, include less activity or verbal content in his actions towards the SO, and make the SO fill in the blanks. I had to withdraw from BB to implement some of the changes in our R.

Did withdrawing work? I withdrew and not only did it make me miserable, but it made many around me miserable as well. Some stuff that Corri, Dom and a few others have said, has really hit home with me. Being upbeat and positive is tough at times and being the opposite is usually the easy, more natural road traveled. But to me, that road isn't going to lead me to where I want to be \:\)

My opinion of K1 is very high. I think she is a very capable person but so is her H in his own way.

I've said it somewhere on here before. I'm fairly new here, I don't know her and conversed with her like some of the rest of you have.(she has given me a visual or two that kind of made my heart skip a beat ) What I can tell you is that Karen is one of true inspirations to me on this forum. I don't sense the "woe is me" attitude from her. She knows her situation. She knows it's tough. I don't think anyone would fault her if she threw her hands up and said "I'm done, I want out" But she doesn't ! She takes her situation with grace and a determination to make it be better \:\) That is what inspires me \:\)

Heywyre, GEL and Karen1 have somewhat similar cases to varying degrees. The people that suggested K1 and her H see a sex therapist idea is good, which I think is the way to go.

I agree Lou 100%, but I'm not discounting some of Dom's ideas either.

Lou, call me dumb, dense, whatever. I'm just not getting it...I know who you are speaking of when you say BB. I'm pretty good with most of them, but what the hell does BB mean????

"If you can't lick em, lick em" - Ted Nugent