In my opinion, you could tell her that you still love her, but that you don't know how much of this punishment you can take. At some point, your feelings might go away because she doesn't love you back. That makes her understand that you are there, but not necessarily forever.
I think it was good. To the point, not too mushy. She will feel you aren't abandoning her, which is good. I know lately my H has said he feels I am going to leave him anyday, which I have done nothing to indicate that. I think WAS feel that we have every right to leave them and worry about that.
I don't think so. But I wouldn't ask her again how she is feeling. She thanked you, you 'you welcomed' her, end of this story. "As if" next time you see her. You want her to come to you when she is upset, but you don't want her to run to her every single time, as she needs to fix a lot of this herself. You have made your point, she is welcome at home, she is loved, its safe, she won't be attacked. They don't forget the things we tell them even if they don't bring them up again.
Never apologise for asking to many questions. We are here to help you if we can.
I think your response was absolutely fine. You didn't tell her how you were feeling, you didn't pursue, you didn't get walked on, you just supported her.
Well done. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I KNOW I'M PARONOID BUT DOES IT SOUND LIKE SHE ONLY SEES ME AS A FRIEND NOW INSTEAD OF LOVER OR HUSBAND BASED ON EMAIL????
A strong friendship is the base upon which a good marriage is built on. Don't underestimate the value of that. If she feels comfortable talking to you and being with you she will have an easier time coming back to you. BTW, feelings for OM may take time to go away. It's like pulling out from a drug addiction. Sometimes it takes time and can be very difficult. You'll just need to be patient and.... be a great listener. Ask lots of impersonal questions... let her bring out what she feels comfortable with and let her talk.
Go read "Not 'Just Friends'" to help you understand the dynamics of this situation. Try to keep in mind there's a chance OM will string her along (like fishing... let go... pull back... let go a little). Sometimes these things take awhile to die. But her unhappiness and lonliness are very good signs.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
