Funny, Cinders..I think about this alot..what if I am way off base about OW.
Well, at first, I have to admit, I enjoyed the fact that she was a freak because I felt like XH would get his "just desserts" for leaving..I wanted them to fight and be miserable,
But, it suddenly changed when I let go of my R with XH and really started to see all this as an outsider looking in..I wanted my kids to like her..I really did..I hated when they came home with stories about how mean she was to them..I really did.
It's one thing that ow is a loon to ME, but to my kids no..
So, I tried to be friendly towards her. Ultimately, I knew she was going to be a part of their lives..It didn't work, but I tried.
I think it almost harder for the WAS to see me with someone so loving as New Guy as it would be hard for me to see XH with OW..(at least in the beginning)
I realized after I was accepting of the fact our M was over I genuinely wanted XH to be in a good R. I really mean that. When he was happy, the kids were happy..plain and simple.
Now, if OW was like the "good fairy" or something and knew everyone in town and everyone adored her, that would be hard. But, she is from another area which has made it easier.
So, the moral is I think it is easier for the LBS to accept a nice and friendy OW in XH's life when LBS has truly moved on. In the long run, it is ultimately letting go. I guess it is a form of unconditional love..you still love your XH and want him to be happy even if your M didn't work out.
I do notice that I am being treated by XH as the WAS now. Funny how things turned around. I think my letting go and trying to befriend OW (even though it didn't work) signified that..I was not acting jealous, angry or crazy..It's all about ACCEPTANCE..
All I know it's a lot easier for the kids to be around ANY adult who is in their divorced parents' lives that are moral and kind. And it is important to me to realize that..
So, I guess the answer to your question is that it would have probably cost me alot less money in court(alot of our money was spent on OW issues ), alot less sleepless nights worrying about the kids and alot less stress for the children if the OW was as nice as my New Guy..
), alot less sleepless nights worrying about the kids and alot less stress for the children if the OW was as nice as my New Guy..
