Down and out...need hope.

[DownNotOut...yet]

Odds are not much is gonna change real fast. This stuff is gonna take time. You are still sounding a bit confrontational in your posts, which is understandable but you have to lose that mindset if you want to improve your situation.

maybe I should file tomorrow and end it

You don't really want that do you? Try to keep those thoughts out of your head (yeah, easier said than done).

Your wife invited you to dinner for her birthday. She didn't have to. I would look at this as an opportunity to DB to the max. You can show off your 180s. I would absolutely go.

You have a week or so to work your DB magic up until then. Be cool as you can, no R talks, totally pleasant in the days leading up to the event. Try to be as relaxed and pleasant as possible at the dinner. If you were not friendly to her family in the past, try to be friendly. Smile a lot. Maybe manage the kids so she can eat and socialize without being pestered by kids. Be prepared...early in the process for me, we would go to an event like this. I would be "Mr. great husband/father", even her friends would comment on the changes. Wife would get two glasses of wine in her and on the way home she would say how it was all an act and she knew I was faking, it is all too little too late. The better I did, the more bile she would spew. Try not to drink at all. Once or twice I had just enough lubrication to start fighting back, huge mistake. The gains made that night were largely nullified. Be prepared for her possible negative reaction to your good work. It means you are getting to her. Just validate with your understanding of her being leary and let it rest. Or you can point out that every change has to start somewhere and then let it rest. Don't get lured into a pissing contest where you are tempted to point out your changes, or start using your logic to convince her to believe in your or to stay.

Try to look at every situation in the most positive light. Almost everytime I thought about giving up, that was when the next crumb of hope came my way. Had I been positive and upbeat the whole time, we could maybe be 2 months ahead of where we are now.

BTW, she is going to be stubborn and only concerned with her needs right now. Get used to it. She is hurting to the point she is considering breaking up her family. That is a lot of hurt. Try to think if you lost a leg. I bet you would only be thinking about your hurt and your needs at that time. And for a while into the future. As things improve, she will eventually start considering your needs again, but not until her leg heals...get it?

Keep working - keep posting.