If I understand correctly, you are asking me if my BF is a WAS? Or is he the LBS? If so, how does he treat his XW?
First, New Guy (or not so New Guy was LBS at first. His XW cheated on him with a guy from work. He found out, she moved out, they tried to reconcile, then he realized he had changed..She was not remorseful about what she had done and thought it would just be forgotten and he was not in love with her anymore due to alot of reasons. So he filed, she didn't seem surprised..it was amicable.
He treats her cordially..No bullying..She is in her own MLC and used to be alot worse but it has calmed down alot. I have met her and she was fine..It is important for me to be nice to his daughter's mom. I love his D and she is close with her mom. The least conflict the better for the kids.
New Guy and I met after we had both filed..It was still soon for me so we went super slow. Our kids didn't meet each other until we were both divorced and were sure our R was solid. About a year after we met our kids met.
He is a classy guy..meaning, he is well-liked by everyone that knows him..he is a great boss..his employees love him..he is a great dad..his mom and dad are terrific. That said alot about his character..I was able to see how he was with his other R's..But never did he stoop to his ex's level..He is not a fighter..He was just done when the drama didn't end with his XW..She was all about self-created drama.
I have encouraged his R with his XW..Meaning, if his D is happy that is important to me. No kids want to see their parents fight, divorced or not. His D has been lucky that way as she has not experienced 1/100th of what my kids have.
So, New Guy was an LBS that filed like I did. I asked him the other day if he thought she would have stayed if he didn't file and said probably not. He wasn't into it anymore and she knew it. He asked for counseling and she said no. He didn't want to be in a marriage like that..Like me, he realized his M wasn't strong enough to begin with to deal with infidelity.
I went to high school with New Guy, too, so I knew about his reputation, etc. He was a really nice kid back then, too..(skinny and little, though, and I remet him and he was like 10 inches taller and forty pounds heavier!!)
Hopefully, that answers your question..
We have been dating two and a half years now and so far, so good! I was very lucky to meet a man who was secure enough to deal with XH bullsh**t, too. It hasn't been easy for him not to flex his muscles, so to speak, towards XH, I am sure..But, he has not said anything other than XH is a jerk that likes to bully me and he will be there when I need him. However, New Guy encourages me to stand up for myself as he knows that is what I want to do, anyway. I like to fight my own battles and set my own boundaries..Not have them done for me..Plus, to have the kids see New Guy fight with their dad is not a good scene and New Guy has said that. He has no desire to be mean towards the kids Dad as he loves my kids, too, and doesn't want to create any more upset.
Okay..have to go get S at school now..He got braces yesterday and one of the things that hold the wire popped off his tooth.
Going on a road trip tomorrow with the kids, his D and New Guy to New Hope PA..Pumpkin picking, sight-seeing and just getting the heck out of dodge for the day..can't wait.
W.L..Thanks so much for the post..How are you doing??
was LBS at first. His XW cheated on him with a guy from work. He found out, she moved out, they tried to reconcile, then he realized he had changed..She was not remorseful about what she had done and thought it would just be forgotten and he was not in love with her anymore due to alot of reasons. So he filed, she didn't seem surprised..it was amicable.
