wow, Gish, you are one strong man. I don't know how many of us could lay there holding our spouse listening to them talking about the OM or OW and still comfort them. Your amazing and did great!
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
It really feels great to be successful in 180's isn't? Yesterday I had a down day but since last night I feel really good today. I definitely have confused my H.
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
You did do great but you got to stop letting her use you to prop herself up like this. Is she going to do this if she goes off with OM - I think not. She needs a big dose of reality here.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Gish I agree with Saffie. It's not fair for her to do that to you.
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
I'm not sure GISH is wrong to let her use him. Each time she goes to him the desire to be with him and not other man seems stronger. Now she is talking about moving home. I think he is doing the right thing by being there as a support system for her.
I question her belief that she needs to be totally over OM before moving home. Why can't she move home and lose feeling for him as the closeness with GISH grows? She was able to do the reverse not long ago.
It's the fact that she uses him and then doesn't want the cuddles in the morning that makes me say that sara. If that hadn't happened I would agree with you. Until that happens he needs to make her think about what life would be like with OM without GISH to fall back on.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thank you Sara and Saffie. You are both very wise. Sara I feel the same way you said about me being there when the OM is not. Saffie you always make great points too always. My wife just emailed me the following after talking to me about her feeling down.
WIFE'S EMAIL: Thanks for talking with me, I feel better. I know that it is hard for you to listen to me go on about him. Thanks for being my friend.
I KNOW I'M PARONOID BUT DOES IT SOUND LIKE SHE ONLY SEES ME AS A FRIEND NOW INSTEAD OF LOVER OR HUSBAND BASED ON EMAIL????
To me it sounds like the typical MLC behavior. Hiding in a cave, they come out for a moment, and then pop back into the cave. Withdrawal is their safety mechanism. She can't come fully out of the cave yet. Of course, she is suffering in the apt. So if he lets her stay on her own, it may give her more of these need to cuddle nights. It may help draw her out of the cave.
OM is such a user. Probably he just wanted to see if he could get it up with another woman, since he already knew he had problems. That is very typical behavior on his part.
I KNOW I'M PARONOID BUT DOES IT SOUND LIKE SHE ONLY SEES ME AS A FRIEND NOW INSTEAD OF LOVER OR HUSBAND BASED ON EMAIL????
Being a friend is the most important thing. When my H wasn't my best friend anylonger things went down hill fast.
What she is telling you is that she values you and trusts your judgement. She is NOT saying that you are not her husband or her lover.
STOP beating yourself up. I wouldn't let most of my friends cuddle me through the night. You are so much more. You make her feel safe. She is trying to be nice to you. STOP turning things around and always looking at the negative. you will turn things into a self fulfilling prophecy the way you are going. Lighten up.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
