Surprisingly enough, I've a theory that may apply to your H's sitch. Most people do this as adolocents. Some wait until they are older and then i'ts more painful. It's related to MLC then, I think. Anyway, what most people do is they try on feelings, attitudes, personalities. They experiment. They try on an emotion, like anger, and they experiment with it. They'll over react and get too angry for a while, then maybe not enough, and hopefully find the right middle ground for them. This is part of the reason teens seem so emotional and melodramitic.
Your H is learning a new skill. He's trying it on and he doesn't really know how to do it yet. He's making some mistakes. Hopefully, because he's not a teen, he won't make as many mistakes and it won't take as long.
Meanwhile, he doesn't have to be rude or belligerent, and you can still have your boundaries. But maybe you could look at your response and ask yourself if you need to defend yourself or if you can let it go. If you need to defend yourself, if he has crossed the line, let him know.
I've been accused in the past of being patronizing. Don't be like me and tell your H that you know he's learning how to express himself and you'll be indulgent. In other words, don't be arrogant, right. Stick to issues. Stick to specifics and "I" statements. I don't think you (we) should be afraid to express our true feelings, but we have to be careful and not let the whole load of baggage we're carrying come with it. kwim?
this is tough, tricky stuff, aint it?
On a more positive note, I've looked back at Franks thread to see what people are saying there. It looks like there are and have been success stories; COG, runningoutoftime, ToughLover, and probably more. It cheers me to know some have and are making it. We'll make it too.
I thought you had made it, or were close. That makes me think I should expect more bad before things really get good in my sitch. I think we, especially our Spouses, have to really hit bottom before they, and we, can start back up for real.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Most people do this as adolocents. Some wait until they are older and then i'ts more painful. It's related to MLC then, I think. Anyway, what most people do is they try on feelings, attitudes, personalities. They experiment. They try on an emotion, like anger, and they experiment with it. They'll over react and get too angry for a while, then maybe not enough, and hopefully find the right middle ground for them. This is part of the reason teens seem so emotional and melodramitic. 
