Divorced, but still hoping for a miracle

[Just_Me]

Possible42,

You asked me to look at your sitch, so here I am. You won't like what I have to say, but it is my honest opinion.

Your marriage is over. You probably know that, but you should probably hear it. That's hard to hear and harder to actually acknowledge as true, isn't it? I lived in the denial of it for quite a while until I realized that I was actually divorced and that more than likely I would never be with my wife/XW again. I reconciled my second marriage, but my first ended and their wasn't even one time where regret was expressed or even alluded to. That's what happens with most divorces....they happen and the relationship (as husband and wife) is truly over.

You can't personally change that possible42. You can't control what she does or who she sees. You can't write letters telling her how it hurts that she's seeing someone else. Of course she was cheating on you...but you can't do anything about it now. You are divorced. That means she doesn't care if her dating hurts you.

There is something you can do. They say that living well is the best revenge. Well you can do that, for yourself and for your kids. You can be the best single dad around. You can work to improve on your faults and try to open up your life to new things. You can learn to be happy with what you do have and not sad about what you don't have. It really doesn't do you any good to perseverate on your XW. It doesn't increase your odds of someday reconciling. What will increase your chances? Being complete, confident, happy, put together, fun, friendly. She'll either be drawn to it or some other lucky woman will. But, in the end, it's her decision what she does. She may fall in love with this other guy and marry him. She may break it off and run back to you. She may jump from guy to guy without ever feeling completely happy because there is something wrong with her. Who knows? You can only look after yourself. Can you do that? You actually have to let her go. Work on the relationship with your kids, family, and friends, and stop worrying about the one with her.

Hope that helps. It wouldn't do you any good to read my sitch. It was not the same. We were still friends and hung out quite a bit and that isn't going to happen for you. It was when my wife was ready to try again that we did. That's the same with you...it has to come from your wife...notes and feeling bad won't advance your cause.

Me