Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

[LL44]

Sue, its ok. You have the right attitude, no big deal! Hope your morning went well.

[SueS]

Good Morning-

An intersting night. I went to bed not hearing from H, but still feeling okay about that. I had turned on the baseball game in our room and was watching it for a while before falling asleep. I heard H come home and he was ANGRY!! He'd been drinking and all I could think was......here comes the anger and belittling that I've been expecting from him......and I was waiting to hear him tell me a lot of negative things. He came in our room and was banging things around. I could hear him in the living room with the tv on (game was still on). The Cubs were losing and every other word out of his mouth was F*ck and I heard him throw a few things. Nothing broke, but I worried a bit. He came back in our room and sat on the bed watching the game & flipping the channels. He flipped on a Adult movie on Cinemax. I was almost asleep, but could hear him saying thngs like.....Oh yeah,.....Wow, those are nice. I could tell he was intentionally trying to get some sort of reaction out of me. When he didn't, he just went back out into the living room.

In the living room, I heard him settle down, turn off the game & turn on some music. He was listening to the new Bruce Springsteen CD. He'd bought it on Tuesday, but hadn't brought it home for me to hear. I got up and went to sit in the living room. I asked if he liked the CD. He snapped at me and said.....YES.

Here's where he tried to bait me!! I had on a light purple nightie. Nothing fancy, but comfortable. It has thin straps and I'll admit it's not the worst thing I could wear, but it's a little older and not one of my better ones. Here's how it went.

H: Do you like messing around with me? (We use the term "messing around" to describe intimacy.)
Me: Of course I do.
H: You're not really showing it. That's probably the ugliest nightie I've ever seen.
Me: Well, why didn't you just tell me you didn't like it?
H: It's a huge turn off for me when you wear it. It's just ugly.

So.............
I decided that I could go in 3 different directions with this.

1- I could get angry & hurt and say something rude/storm off into the bedroom.

2- I could calmly get up without saying anything, go to bed and just dispose of it tomorrow.

Or....AS I DID, I could chose option 3.

3- I calmly got up from the chair I was in, walked to the closet & got a pair of scissors. I walked back to H, who was sitting on the couch. I handed him the scissors & said......Here, if you hate it so much then cut it off of me. He got the most shocked look on his face. He quieted down, set the scissors down and said.....I tried to hide it from you, but you must have found it when you were sorting things out. Again, I said.....all you had to do was just tell me how much you didn't like it. It's not my favorite either. I walked back into the bedroom and grabbed a much sexier black one. I walked back out by the garbage (which H can see from the couch), took off the purple one, threw it into the garbage, but the black one on & went back to sit on the couch. Nothing else was really said.

I noticed that H had fallen asleep. I got up, grabbed a blanket & was just about to put it over H when he asked what I was doing. I told him that I was going to bed. He got up and came to bed too. Just then a huge storm started and D3 woke up for a little while.

This morning, when my alarm went off, H woke up and wanted to be intimate. I allowed it to start, but D3 woke up from some loud thunder/lightening. It was time for me to get up and I went into the bathroom. H surprised me by jumping in my shower with me..............

When I left this morning, H & D3 were snuggled in our bed. He was awake. I kissed his cheek, said love you & left. I didn't get a response, but it's morning, he's tired and hey, that's okay.

That's that!! It's rainy & gloomy here but it's not getting me down today. I feel okay.

I'm anxious for the weekend.

I'll check in later!

SueS

[LL44]

Oh. My. Gosh.

Talk about being a stronger woman!!! He was trying to bait you, upset you, and you totally knocked him on his hiney!!! You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!

[fightingirish]

wowww... you are a better person than me.. I would have smacked him upside the head! That was just rude and mean what he said to you, but you handled it really well.

In all seriousness, Him being that mean to you should be addressed. There is no reason for it, and frankly he shouldn't be able to get away with it. I k now and understand that you didn't want to start anything, but you shouldn't be there for him to be mean to after he was the one who went out and got drunk..

Let me kow how the rest of your day goes.. Im not trying to be harsh by any means, you just don't deserve treatment like that!!

tal

[SueS]

lwb.....thanks. I felt pretty good after I said & did that!

TAL....You are right. He doesn't have the right to be mean to me like that. It was rude and wrong. Maybe this doesn't make any sense, but I anticipated a time that he'd spew some harsh words at me and that he'd do it when he'd been drinking. My H has an extremely difficult time communicating anything in regards to us or our R. Those things, good or bad, usually come out after he's had a few drinks. He'd had more than a few last night. As wrong as it was, I saw his actions/words last night as him trying to relay something to me or push his anger about things on to me. AGAIN....it's not right and although I said that I'm okay today, I'm not saying that what he said didn't hurt in some way. At least his words were directed toward the piece of clothing I was wearing only and not about me or how I looked. I tried to see it as words of a person who is not thinking clearly instead of taking it personal.

I'm just trying to stay positive.

SueS

[fightingirish]

im glad you are keeping positive, thats important especially for your health.

Again, your strong, as much as you might not think so, you are, and that will only help you out in the long run.

Have a good day!

tal

[saffie]

Sue,

A very wise woman, who I won't name but who knows who she is, was telling me that a friend of hers had a H who could be real mean. One day she taped him spewing his vileness, (unbeknownst to him), and then when he was in an ok mood again the next day she played it back to her H,. He couldn't believe how horrid he had been and it was enough to make him change his ways permanently. Food for thought eh?

Saffie

[Pamar]

SueS,

Way to go! Turn it round on them and they can't attack then. Got to go and cook now.....and hunt for the scissors (well I can dream).

[SueS]

Good morning-

A little backslide last night. Not really with words, more with actions.

I'd talked to H about a few things at work yesterday....good convo. I left work 1/2 hr. early & didn't tell H. He called when I was picking up D3 and asked where I was & why I hadn't returned his call. Told him I hadn't gotten it. That part was good too.

H called again after we got home. He asked if we wanted pizza for dinner & that he'd call on the way home & have me order it. H called on the way home & we took care of that. Not real long convos., but still good ones....upbeat, happy.

H got home and was in a decent mood. We started eating. Then I saw it!! No wedding ring on. I lost my appetite right away and my mood sunk. I just couldn't figure out why he'd taken it off. I helped D3 finish with everything from dinner. H got a call from a buddy about golf today. I went into the bedroom & changed my clothes.....grabbed my purse & started to head out. H asked where I was going. I told him I had to run out for something. He asked where? I said Why? He said....I want to know where. I told him the pharmacy & I left. I was gone about an hour. I came back in with a much better PMA. H had his ring on. Not sure what that was all about.

H sat watching baseball last night and I helped D3 to bed. H was in the bedroom watching by the time I was done. H was turned away from me.

H had to work this morning. He just got up, asked if he could take my vehicle, said good-bye & left. We'll see if he calls today. I thought he was golfing right after work, but he didn't take his clubs with & he took something out of the freezer for dinner tonight.

Oh, and I think H looked at MY phone this morning. I had called my good friend when I left here last night so I could get my frustration out before coming back home. Maybe he was looking to see if I'd called someone.

Sorry for not contributing much to everyone's thread this morning. Just had to come here to vent.

I need to go and get some things done!

Have a good Saturday. I promise to check in later.

SueS

[fightingirish]

Hi there Friend,

I don't think you did a backslide at all. Actually I think you are doing great! Boy is he ever paranoid! Its pretty funny how they want to know exactly what you are doing, after all the crap they have put you through! You are handling him just as I would. Looking at your phone is pretty darn funny. Tables have turned a bit, and good for you, keep him guessing... Did he ever apologize for the other night?

keep up the good work, Im proud of you.. (you know what I mean)..
You have a good day also..

tal