Massage didn't happen, offered and was turned down. Didn't make a big thing out of it.
Not feeling good at the moment. Life was on the up and then from Thursday, it has been going down. Not sure if I should raise this with W or leave until counselling session next week.
I find this off/on intimacy extremely difficult to handle. I was resigned to not doing anything for the forseeable future and then we do and I get my hopes up.
Big 'as if' last night and I was the one that turned off the light first. W had work home but again is so tired that she fell asleep straight after dinner.
I feel like laying the cards out on the table, telling her (similar to h's letter) how I feel and seeing what happens.
I am still committed 100% to this marriage, but I am also feeling like walking away and finding some peace. I know I won't....at the moment, but I am getting suspicious of seemingly innocuous things. For example, there is a leaving night out night Saturday (So I have been told), but W will be working all week, including Saturday and then we have a Christening 2 hours away on the Sunday.
Now, I have to trust W, but at one level I feel that this will exhaust her and feel that I should recommend that she gives her apologies. It's a difficult call, 'cos I am almost frightened to find out if this is a lie or not.
I will be able to ask another friend tomorrow if they are going, but I hate not being able to trust my wife.
