When this all first erupted, one of the things H said was that I held him back with his ambition. His ambition is to trek in the Himalayas or heli ski (high adrelene stuff at huge cost). My issue at the time was a) financial and b)it was at the time right after the birth of our 2nd s and when i needed him most. My argument was that i would be back at work full time and he would be gone for 3 weeks, who was going to support me with childcare? His argument was that if I wanted to go away to the furthest depths of the earth for a month and it would cost �10,0000 then he would find a way to support me. I told him that it was all in the timing, that the timing was wrong. I really felt resentful for his lack of consideration for the family and accused him of being totally selfish. I think i felt threatened in some way and obviously very insecure. He works at a school and has huge holidays, so he felt it ok to fill his time. When he wanted to go I told him if he wanted to go then fine, but not to come back......So back to a few months ago, I told him he should do it and get it out of his system. Well i've just read an email from his friend (the one with no morals) and it looks like H is about to book something asap. My first reaction is one of anger (i don't know why, since I told him to go) but also the fact that he's discussed it with his friend and not me!! Maybe it's what he needs, maybe that is his 'greener grass'. But I think this would account for his upbeat behaviour. I also hate the fact that this friend is back on the scene and maybe saying things like 'you can go away now, nothing to stop you'. This is a friend who can afford to do heli skiing and have 'team bilding' weekends away with work. He has a wife who doesn't work and her family are very supportive. We are not in a similar situation. I just wish he told me... I don't trust this friend at all, We think he has ow all the time and buys his wife, he is controlling and narcistic, he is not a good influence on my H and I was a lot happier when H didn't have contact with him for a couple of months.
I know i'm not about to be served papers or dealing with ow but I'm just feeling really wobbly and shaky and i've lost a bit of confidence and PMA, I feel like i'm waiting for something to happen, that H is been nice to me because he is plotting and planning this trip and not because he is happier with us.
Thanks for listening.
XD
P/A confirmed 5/03/08
03/08 H said affair over, I dont think it is, h still doesn't want marriage
T: 13 M: 8 D:20 & 17 from Previous M S: 8 & 4 BS: May 07 ILYBNILWY S: 13/10/07
