I was almost a WAW (and still am-- in my heart?)

[sandi2]

I know you are right Lillieperl.

It is Friday morning at 5:30......I stayed away a long time, didn't I? (lol)

I looked back at what I said last night (and the night before) and I don't know why I came so unglued and I regret reacting so badly. DomR (my doc) wasn't my target, or any one person....(not even you, Forrest Gump if you read this). All of you have been good to me. I let some things that have been said (compiled)to others, more than was actually directed to me in particular, get my dandruff up and I wanted to lash out at the "attitudes" toward WAW's and as a result....I showed my bad attitude. Ironic! I realize that I allowed what was happening in my personal family life this week--plus what I've been reading from some posts make me angry and I exploded.

I had just finished telling a new person to the board that we do that from time to time but we keep supporting each other and I hope you all will do that for me. Allow me to act like an a$$ and then, hopefull, grow......some more (ugh).

But, you know, I've been saying that I have been spending too much time here every night instead of spending time with my H. In fact, I'm not so sure I haven't replaced one addiction with this new one. I haven't thought of it in that way until now, b/c I saw it as my therapy to come here every night, (since I couldn't find a DB C around my local area), and read and throw my two cents in from time to time. But, I see where I do need to back off some and spend more time in my own R. I think one of my problems is that when I get involved with something (even like this board), I spend too much of my time and energy on that particular thing whereas I need to figure out how to balance things in my life a lot better than I do so that I'm not the one neclecting my MR. As I've told you all before, I have been trying to fill a void in my life and heart for so many years that I realize I have developed this bad habit of doing just what I stated.....putting my time and energy into that "project" (or whatever to call it) at the time.

After I spilled my emotional puke last night, I then told a few new folks that I would get back with them Monday (b/c I didn't want them to feel forsaken)......I had a little "quality" time with my H and I think it was good.

I forgot to tell you all that I went to see my doctor yesterday and he did give me a prescription for AD meds. We are going to just try it for a short time to see how it affects me.

So now I'm crying and starting the day out emotional.......is that a good sign? (lol) I'll be back Monday and I hope you all have a good weekend. My other physical problems (allergy & sinus infection, etc.)is getting better and I'm real hopeful that this weekend will finally be one where I won't spend it laid up in a sick bed and can have some time with my H and love ones.

I wish you all well and love.

Sandi