I an a bit hit and miss here. i=I tend to click on named and see where that gets me!!!! My H say's I AM A COMPUTER IDIOT!!!
mY PERSONAL EMAIL IS GABRIELLE_WRIGHTATHOTMAIL.CO.UK . pUT THE @ SIGN N WHERE i HAVE TYPED AT IN THE ADDRESS. iF YOU TYPE YOUR ADDRESS IN IN TOTAL PEOPLE ACN SEARCH ON GOOGLE AND GET LINKED THROUGH TO THIS SITE!!! Oops, just realised I got acaps lock on by mistake - sorry. Address is gabrielle_wrightathotmail.co.uk
I'll be on for a while now if you want to chat. I am willing to answer any questions.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hi, really wobbley today. Spoke to my family. They think i should get rid of H. They said that i've given him plenty of chances(over the last 18months). They said i need to get him to prove that he has stopped seeing ow. They've even said that i'm not the same person i was and that i shouldn't let him control me. He's having his cake and eating it. Also that my kids are constantly living in fear of him leaving(which is partly true) and that's not healthy. They think i'm going to get ill if i carry on for much longer. It's hard, because H is very cold again at the moment and sometimes i just want an end to this torchure.
Have you explained to your parents what you are doing and why?
They just want to see you stop hurting. Unfortunately we all know, those of us that are here, that just breaking off from our spouses does not stop the pain.
You must do what you feel comfortable with. It all sucks, and we would all rather not be here. In my case the OW was out of the picture very quickly once I knew about it. Even so I find it hard and that is 15 months on. I am in piecing I guess you would say. My M has changed and while a big part of me wishes all the betrayal had never happened I do think our 'new' R is better than the old one.
You just hang in there and do what you feel is right.
(((((((HUGS))))))) Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks, i have told them what i'm doing, but they think he's already had enough chances. It's difficult because i'm still in the dark. H has said that he is only seeing this ow on a professional level. (he still hasn't admitted to the A)The problem is he's still acting like he's involved. It's difficult because sometimes i think, should i be doing LRT or should i be trying more in terms of spending time together or asking more for what i want. I did a bit last night. I said that i'm fed up the lack of reassurance that he wants to be with us. He was a little defensive but said he would try harder. Well, if i'm honest i did give him a bit of a barrage. I said i don't want to live a celibate life and if he keeps seeing this ow on any level. We haven't got a hope. I also said that i'm willing to be patient, but i will not tolerate him putting a close friendship with another women over our marriage.
I know, that was probably a bit too much.. but i've been so cool for so long i sort of felt he needed shaking up a bit. What do you think. Was i too pushy.
I don't know if I am the right person to comment here because when I found out about H's A I didn't know about this place. I went Bang in a big way and did not behave in the classic DBing way. However, he was never in any doubt as to how I felt. The problem in our M had been that we both thought the other one no longer loved us. We were both living our lives thinking that, whereas in reality we DID want to be with each other. Our lack of communication led to our problems, and then to my H having an A. I don't like confrontation so I kept burying my head in the sand and I was suffering from depression so found it hard to communicate with him. Instead I filled my life with other activities because I was afraid of what I was going to hear if I did start a R talk. I was stupid. In my situation things got out of hand because we did not communicate. So you see I think it is good to communicate how you feel. One doesn't have to be pushy or clingly but I think another person needs to know that you vale them and you love them. No way would I consider a R with OW still in the picture. Again I was lucky as my H is Chief Exec of the Co. and so OW had to be the one to leave.
Personally I don't think what you have said is too much. You have set boundaries. You have let him know how important he is to you. I think it is a matter of how it was said as to what was said. Only you know whether the 'how' was OK.
Is there any way he can not see this OW professionally? Do you know anything about her? My H's OW was totally off the wall. She thought that she was going to walk into my house and assume my life after abandoning her own children and H. She was delusional.
I was lucky that when my H told me about the A he had basically had enough of OW and wanted me to see her off which I did. Timing is an important factor I see over and over again in the success of peoples situations on the boards.
One thing I would say is that some people on here do appear to be at risk of detaching too much and they don't let there partner know enough how much they mean to them. Letting them know you care is not the same as pursuing - it's all a matter of how one goes about it.
Nina - if you ever want to chat, as we are in the same country, my email is gabrielle_wrightathotmail.co.uk insert the @ sign where I have typed at - if you type your email address in full on here people can search on google and get led to this site. I would be more than happy to email you my phone number. In fact my cell is 07799591499 and I have that on me all the time.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I think you're right about the distance thing. I find when i distance myself too much H gets really quite offended. I'm glad i spoke to him. He's away at the moment. So hopefully with the space he will think. My gut feeling is that he does want to make a go of things but is finding the withdrawal from ow very difficult. I wrote an e-mail to my family explaining, again, what i'm doing and why. I also thanked them for their concern.
Getting ow out of the school he works at is impossible. Also H has looked for other work, but he can't afford to leave. Financially we are a bit screwed at the moment so we're sort of stuck.
Thanks for your e-mail address and number.. I'm a bit worried about using my e-mail just in case H sees them. He would be absolutely mortified if he knew i was talking to total strangers about our R.
I just wish he would make it easier for me, if he has stopped this r with ow. Why does he still have a pin code on his phone and never leaves his phone on when he's at home. I want to put my faith in him, but he's not acting in trustworthy way.
Anyway, i'll just have to observe how he is next week. No more R talks for a while i think.. We're on holiday with the kids at half term, so hopefully that will help.
One interesting thing he did this morning was he went into the kids room before he left for work and explained that he's going to his friends retirement do and he will be back tomorrow.
See he doesn't want the kids to feel insecure... a positive sign. He also gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left. He hasn't done that for a while. I think i might have woken him up a bit last night.
Thanks again for listening, you're an absolute star!!!
