No one is going to love my kids like their father. Unfortunately, these same people will condone the A and accept that if H was no longer in love then it is understandable to want to be with this new person and be happy. I can hear H's brother and sister saying that they support his decision. It's not good for the kids to be in a home where the parents are unhappy. H has to take care of himself and make himself happy.
There was a divorced Dad who has been a real source of transitional information for my H. He has been divorced for three years and is involved with a married woman with children. He has been supplying my H with a lot of advice on child support and his rights and how to coparent through divorce. He seems like a total divorce advocate, like free legal advice. It is so annoying to me that this man exists. I called his ex-wife and she told me that the truth is that her ex has not been with his kids in over three months. The ex wife took full physical custody because of his drunk and lascivious lifestyle. She was also aware that the married woman's husband was physically threatening this cheating man!! She feared for her children's welfare. Her ex went all Britney. I told my H this, and he was stunned! He had no idea that the man in his corner telling him how his kids were fine with the divorce were actually taken away from him!!!
Originally Posted By: nephartiti
Can you believe that blended families are now the norm? I hate that I am being pushed toward this against my will. If H and I D, I am not planning on looking for someone else. I will raise my kids and look for companionship when they are grown. I'm not complicating things any more. BTDT.
Sorry for the high jack, MK.
I feel so hypocritical here. Many of my students come from poverty. Many are dazed because their parents are in jail, in gangs, in another country, divorced. I used to weep for them, but secretly I felt smug, as though I had it so much better. I guess I still do because I have a home and support, but I never thought my kids would be the lost little dazed ones at school.
I am also fearful of being a single mom, but I feel like it may not be better to find a step parent or blend my family either. No matter how ideal it is. The truth is I actually wanted to have another baby that has the same blood as my two kids. That seems like a pipe dream now! Crazy.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I am also fearful of being a single mom, but I feel like it may not be better to find a step parent or blend my family either. No matter how ideal it is. The truth is I actually wanted to have another baby that has the same blood as my two kids. That seems like a pipe dream now! Crazy.
It's not crazy, MK. It's normal. It's mammalian, as you say. We are going to make it through this, and so are our kids. Survival is mammalian too. We will adapt because we have to. You know what? Being a single mom is not ideal, but I'm beginning to feel like it isn't a death sentence. I believe if I stop fighting it and just a ccept it, I will be happy.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Well, so far so good. I cannot believe how I have been OK. I keep thinking I took my kids to Disneyland, darn it !!! I am amazing! Status quo, good. Mini bombs, bad. I fear the next bomb, divorce, marriage, break up-his, suicide-his, pregnancy-OW's, I guess the fear of the unknown whilst dealing with such a mistrustful and unstable sitch.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Yes, the fear of the unknown is the scariest part. I think this is because we are still attached even while we strive to be detached. What happens in their lives will inevitably affect ours because we have children with these men. We will always have them in our lives, to some degree, unless they really do just disappear. I don't think they will disappear.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
MK, the sitch is mistrustful and unstable. However, you are neither. Do not let it touch you. You do not have to be pulled into the insanity. My therapist said something when I was going on about how my H was such a good man, this man is an imposter. She said, "This is the person your H is choosing to be right NOW. You do not have to support him here. You do not have to connect with him here. You support and connect when and only when he is the man you love and married."
Tricky. Boundaries where you need them when you need them. Now I sound like a commercial.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Yeah, he was my best friend and now he is some strutting weirdo.
I have not planned a party without him for over 20 years. Even whilst dating other men, H was the one I also planned around because we would joke and dance all night. He was the life of my parties. I guess I hang on to that guy, not the weirdo in a half shirt wwho acts 19 again and disses his own kids. he is lost to me, to his parents, to his friends, to his kids, and I am starting to feel responsible because I did not feed him or screw him enough.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I think I am hanging onto my 'old' husband as well. The one I have now cheats, lies, acts way too young for his age, ignores a sick grandma, sleeps with a cell phone, and stays out all night doing whatever.
LOL, it is so true! I am working this weekend. I am also getting all the locks changed on my house. Barbeque with the folks. I am so jealous of that Boston meeting. What are you up to LWB, Neph?
I still have not hosted a party or a barbeque yet. It was something I did at least once a month. It is a goal of mine, I just have not yet had the strength to do it. I have opened my home in other ways. I will celebrate in my home again some day soon hopefully.
Does anyone know how to handle trick or treating while separated and dark???
In the olden days, H and I would trade off trick or treating and passing out candy. Halloween is a huuuge deal here!!! I am already dreading the politics. I don't want to be a hard a$$ but I don't want to be anxious and unhappy either. My kids feel it no matter how much I joke and smile. They just know somehow that I am in pain seeing my H like this.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
