We had MC today for the first time in about a month. Had to cancel b/c of H's work the last time.
I find myself wondering if this is all there is. If I'm doomed to a life of no passion and, more importantly, no child. We're still in MC, and, well, at 38, let's face it, the clock is ticking. And I don't just want to get knocked with H because it's convenient. This is a lifetime commitment. So I kind of feel like just cutting my losses and finding a good old sperm donor.
Crazy? Yeppers. At least I know it for what it is. Brought up the not meeting my needs doesn't seem to care convo in MC tonight. Bawled like a baby. See some progress in H, but not much. Work is always the excuse. And I wonder if I'm destined to a life of no passion because I screwed up and made a bad choice in partners. Wonder if I could manage to have an R on the side to meet that particular need...and again, I know that's crazy and foggy thinking. Real though.
Just journaling here...no crisis, no plans, just acknowledging how I feel. I want more.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
