There and Back, #8

[Dom R]

I'm trying my hardest to detach from this man, and damn, this kind of stuff keeps me so roped in. I'm not sure its healthy for me, hence the avoidance.

here's the thing: detaching, is not the same as not caring.
That's why it's tricky.
"not caring" == "giving up"


"detaching" [in the i actually want my marriage back sense] == overlooking, or "forgiving without being asked", the bad stuff.
[as well as dropping expectations, or neediness, that he "must come back"]

to put it at its utmost.. you might say that detaching, is actually pure selfless love. To be willing to act lovingly, without getting ANYTHING back.. and even worse, getting treated like #### in return.

That's why it is so hard.

That is also why "detaching" is not the same thing as "going dark".

in contrast, "going dark", is getting nothing, and GIVING nothing either.

I suppose I could call him now. or better, maybe should e-mail him?

do you really think this is wise at all?

i dont think so..
i think the moment has probably passed. but that being said.. i dont know your husband. you would ideally be the best judge about it.

I have been there for each and every emotional breakdown this man has had. I have been there, I have listened/supported/tried to help with each and every one.

ah. interesting.
pre or post separation?

if pre-separation.... maybe he is looking to lean on you again.
Which, in my opinion, could be a positive thing.

it could be the first brick, in building a bridge between you again.


(if he's done this multiple times POST separation, however... now would seem like the time to let him clean up his own mess)