I was almost a WAW (and still am-- in my heart?)

[sandi2]

I guess yesterday was "Sandi is a bitch today, so watch out!" I must have still been pissed when I read what Forrest Gump said to Littlebitlost....and I blew another gasket.

Sometimes, I feel that the men that are the LBS act so darn self-righteous that I just want to throw-up....and I guess that is what I did yesterday. And, I know before I even say this that you are goint to tell me that it is an excuse.....but, I get tired of the men asking me what am I going to do about my M, when I feel like it has been me doing anything that was ever done for all these years. I could be wrong (probably am) but I don't remember the women that are LBS asking me what I plan to do about my M now. Don't you find that rather strange??? I suppose I didn't get it all out of my system yesterday. It still ticks me off for the man to still think I should be the one to fix things. I don't feel like you heard a word I said (just like my H never listen to me either)! Since I am puking all over the place again, I might as well go ahead and say this.....when the WAW comes on here (which God help her) she need not expect much compassion (even though, that God, I did find a few) b/c some LBS (not all) are going to give you hell and you are damned if you do and damned if you don't and they don't give a damn if you like it or not....you can get the hell of this board.....their (some, not all) attitude is that this board is mostly for the LBS (as I recall one telling me to look at who does most of the posting) well...duh! We WAW's don't come on here so the LBS can have a punching bag to take the frustrations out on (like I'm doing you at the moment)! And, DomR, I am not directing all this at you.....I am hurt and mad and I am still trying to get this out of my system (I just hope you'll still be my friend after I puke on you). Some LBS's attitude seems to be "Don't expect anything but hate from us, b/c it is all the WAS's fault that the M ended. You were the one that chose to leave instead of staying and working it out." That is not true! Just b/c a spouse stays does not mean they are "working"!! Sometimes it means they don't give a care, but that ain't moving. However, they sure know how to make the other S's life hell on earth.....so no wonder one finally has to leave to stay sane! I notice the men (husbands) that chose to leave so the wife can stay in the home is not blasted half-way off the board for doing what he did...oh no, he isn't the WAS!!!.....at least not in the eyes of the other men b/c it was the wife that wanted to end the M! So, there you go.

I have even wondered after reading some other posts if some (not all) men feel justified in telling us WAW's all these things we need to do about our M, since it was our fault that the M failed, and since they are so bitter about their stitch and can't get past their own resentment toward their own W.
Like I said yesterday, I can talk resentment for a very long time!

Ok, I'll try to calm down now......

It goes back, partly, to beeing told in so many words over all these years that I am to blame for the M not being better...and of course you remember why (not enough sex) no matter what I did to improve in that department, it was not good enough.....it was still my fault.

I took a chance by coming here to this board and I thank God every day that He made sure the "right" people talked to me first....or I would have done the very same thing as "possibleWAW" did several days ago....and you would never have heard from me again. And, what breaks my heart is that I am almost certain that I would have had a PA with OM. I wanted to help her and stop her from doing that very thing....like I was helped.

We may not have the "tools" that some have suggested or even be "looking for the tools" as some have suggested, but I don't agree with that thinking. If we weren't--why on earth would we take a chance by coming here? I saw two women at the same time leave this board from the same thread. So, yeah, I'm upset that people that have been here a lot longer than I have could not have a little more patient to help a lost person. Then, I try to move on to another post of another WAW that I "thought" was new and had just started, but apparently she was just starting another thread or something, I don't know, but I thought I was going to her rescue when what appeared that Forrest was getting to hard on her.......only to discover it wasn't, she wasn't and so on. Anyway, maybe I just need to leave for a few days. Apparently, I'm the one with the touchy problems.....(plus the other two women that left the other day).

Dom, friend, I know you are trying to help me or you would not take the time of day to bother with me. I have repaid you by being ugly and for that, I am sorry......truly. I am old and tired and I found out that my six year old granddaughter has inherited my fibromyalgia and she could have a spastic colon or it could be the fibro.....who knows. But nobody in this state will treat a child for fibromyalgia, so my doctor told me. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart about a lot of things. Life is so unfair and I think that is one thing we all (WAS & LBS) can agree upon.

Again, I guess it sounds like I'm finding excuses......I'm still just spewing. Please forgive me for being ugly. I will come back in two or three days with a different attitude....I promise.