So, xh and I have been spending the last several nights at my place. It's been nice. The baby and I spent so much time with him (helping him pack, helping him move, helping him unpack...) I feel like I haven't been home much.
Other positives: xh has been saying 'we' more. Instead of just "Where are you and the baby sleeping tonight?", now it's "What are we eating for dinner? Where are we sleeping?" I think next round of groceries, I'm going to try and get more meals that are compatible for both of us. (Not an easy thing.) But I will ask for his input.
JD did come up again this morning. He brought her up, not me. (I promise!) He mentioned she wanted to buy the cake for the baby's birthday. I was surprised, but whatever. I figured her controlling husband wouldn't let her go, let alone let her buy the cake. Ooookay. Anyway, I said I didn't want JD's husband there. (Druggie with a temper issue around my kid? No way.) Yes, I am okay with her coming to the party. (Really.)
xh said he wouldn't let her hubby come, and he probably wouldn't anyway, since he (xh) would be there. I said he may be a controlling jerk, but I doubt he's dumb. (This is where I probably took the conversation too far.) xh looked at me funny. I told him that he was essentially the OM. He got really irritated, and changed the subject. (Which was fine by me.)
Plus: I didn't bring up JD. Possible negative: I did point his inappropriate relationship with a married woman.
The thing is...I'm afraid I was too understanding over the last several years. I've been trying to maintain being honest with him on how I see the situation. But without pushing or bringing up the subject. I don't think I did anything wrong with pointing out something he really already knows.
Anyway...so then I hadn't heard from him all day. I called earlier, got his VM. I left him a (genuinely) friendly message thanking him for the cheering up yesterday.
I drug myself to the gym. Didn't want to go, but I'm trying to stick to routine. Workout was okay, I suppose. Towards the end, I wondered why he hadn't called me at all today. We usually chat at least a couple of times during the day. I was feeling a little paranoid that he was mad at me for the earlier statement about JD, so I decided to give him a call.
He answered, sounded fine. I told him I was just calling to say hi. He said he was busy with school work, and would call me later. If he hadn't sounded fine, I would have just asked him. But, no need. He was just busy, after all.
Other observations...
I convince myself I'm feeling more ambivalent about him when I've been upset by something. I suppose it's a self-defense thing. Whatever the reason, it's counter-productive, and I need to watch that.
xh has been showing me more of his stuff lately. Drawings for school, projects around his apartment, etc. I am interested, but I think my interest may not be coming across clearly enough at times.
I still expect him to get mad about silly little things that used to anger him. Last night, he called me when I was in the process of putting the baby to bed. He asked if I wanted to go the grocery store with him. I said it depended what time. In the past, although he'd never admit it, I always felt like he was upset with me if I didn't go along with whatever script he had in his head at the time--like I didn't really love him if I didn't do xyz. Anyway, I asked him if he was mad at me. (Although I was more concerned about the baby's bed time.) He said no, and was offended. He said "I'm different now. I don't get mad like I used to." I told him I wasn't trying to sound accusatory. Subject was dropped shortly after that, no hard feelings on either side.
